I love that you challenge me on these things because it gives me a reality check
Why do you say my way of dealing with the emotions are unhealthy? I have not included four long texts between H and I where I laid my sh* t bare, something I have never done before. Took responsibility for my actions in the marriage and did not explain the whys, just apologized and said I could see how it hurt. For me this is the biggest 180 in my life.. No one, not even husband, not even me, had ever looked and been exposed to this. I was horrible, no wonder he left. Don't get me wrong, it takes two, but I see my actions now and they are not who I want to be. I am trying so very hard not to control the switch but I find it creeping in, I am aware of what I am doing and try to smack that down. A lifelong control habit is a hard one to break. I need an AA pin for control freaks anonymous
Honest is right. I was honest, he has not been there yet.
I do get the point. I am further along for me than I have been, but it is a struggle constantly. For instance, we had flirty text and he wants to go for drinks, jokingly he said "drinks and I get to ask questions." I am okay with it, since this marriage has not been a communication festival. He absolutely reiterated he wants to develop friendship and not talk marriage. He said he is in a relationships and happy. My reply? Of course, that is what I had assumed you meant.
I have to see if this will work for me or if my expectations are leading me here. I will go with no expectation and keep talk friendly. He will want to ask questions about our past and how should I answer him? No R TALK. If this does not work for me then I will not do it again. But DB ing can't work unless I see him once in a while ( we live over an hour apart)
do I have the little wait until he sees me down the line? Yep, at this point I do. He has brought up the fact about four times today that some other guy will be lucky to have me. And he will, when I am ready. Eventually I will get to point that everything I do will be for me, but I know I am not quite there yet. It is why I am here lmao! And this is why I have you to kick my a$$
