TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

Thanks for the, surprisingly spot on, notes!

Positives:
Learning to recognize OR talks.
Learning to understand my flaws and owning them.

I do need to work more on those points.
I tend to have the mindset "if she brings it up, it's ok to go into R talks". And it could be, at the right time, in the right situation. Which it hasn't been.

Realizing Lady UF's flaws and learning to not fix them.

I think, ultimately, it was this forum which made me realize that I can't fix her flaws and that I shouldn't try. This was typical of me a couple of years ago, the need for me to get her to realize her wrongs in full. To teach her, and to fix. Now that I know it, I have to work on living it.

Learning how to detatch and understanding dependency issues.

Yes, true. I have read up on co-dependency and it certainly have applied to our R/me to some extent. I need to look into it more.

Negatives:
Seem to mind read too much.

Trying to remind myself of this as much as I can. Sometimes though, it's like telling yourself "don't think about an elephant" It's impossible, LOL.

Seem to be focused solely on Son and Lady UF.

THIS.
I would add/change this to "other people", but yes this is one of the things I really need to work on for myself.
I'm aware of it and want to work on it b/c I've realized that I've been too focused on pleasing others.
I've let myself get torn between my own wishes and others wishes and often I let things get stressful or awkward for myself by taking on too much at all ends.

Need to build up on activities outside of work that make me a better rounded person.
Need to balance Career with son.

Yep, this really is a tough one. I do engage in social activities, I have several hobbies, I exercise AND I have a S.

The problem is TIME. It's hard to balance, and hard to make time for all of it.

I do enjoy my line of work, it can be hard and demand a lot, but I enjoy it none the less.

We have two (different) main customer bases we work for. We work about 80/20 for the two.
I want to focus more on the 20%, where there is more challenge, more room for evolving, and more to learn. This is project based and runs for 2-4 weeks, maybe two times a year. 12 hour shifts.
So it's pretty full on when working projects, but it's a lot more flexible when working for the remainding 80%, which allows me to take time off from work. I just need to do it more.

she fell short on that and blamed you for her short comings. Trans-placed guilt. )

That would, in that case, be great bait for my people pleasing traits.

She has also said during our years together that I always think I'm right. I don't know how to term it in english, self-righteous maybe?
I'm not sure on this. Maybe I am, maybe it's just hard for me to acknowledge that I am.
I'm humble in a way that I can accept my wrong doings, but when I think I'm right I do think I'm right. It might be worth reflecting on.