The house is for sale. So sad, Family is breaking.

[FloydMan]

Hi Sandi2,
Your thoughts are bang on to what has been going through my mind for months. The OM was a married Sr. Police Detective. That is all I know. I have no idea of his marital status now. I have no idea if they are still in contact, she swears that it ended in March 2011 after 3 months and that he tried to reach out to her for a month after and she ignored him and did not hear from him since. That could be the truth or not….there was so many lies, who knows? Or, it could be someone else now too. She does have so much resentment towards me.
Either way, seems as though I am in a competition I cannot win. It is one that she does not want me to be in either and really, should I? Or, if I should, how do I compete. To just be the best Floyd I know how? The Floyd she fell in love with and says she loved so much for 16 of 19 years together?
You mention doing what is right. I believe in saving families and marriage. But I would need her aboard to see that, right? I think because nobody in our lives other than the MC and OM knows about the A, nobody has challenged her on it. Like the folks that helped you on the board. Have I protected her too much? Therapist#1 thought so. However, neither therapist really made clear that part of the commitment to she would need to make for the M to survive. It was broached at best in our one-on-one sessions. Especially #2 never dealt with it at all. She read the book After the Affair. It was clear in there.
W has been one to have her privacy, especially having controlling parents. I definitely think pride and stubbornness play a part in it. She definitely would not keep me apprised of her spending, or would tell me something costs less than it really did. She did avoid certain things not to cause conflict.
I do want this to work out and to be a family, loving and trusting. Am I fool?