Well, I told her that this Saturday night I wanted to go out do some shopping, basically just have some alone time. Serves two needs that I have neglected for myself. She calmly agreed, no big deal. Now to plan my evening out!
I'm 33, she's 32. S4 S2 Married 6 years together 8 EA started Oct 2011 ILYBINILWY February 2012 EA turned PA (for sure)March 2012
She asked tonight what time I was going out tomorrow night. After I told her, she suggested we drive around as a family to look at Christmas lights before I go. I said I thought that was a great idea (it was actually something I was going to suggest myself next weekend).
I'm still going to enjoy my alone time afterwards, but even if her idea is only with the kids in mind, at least she's having it with us all as a family. That was the number one point I had wanted her to think about before just walking out. That we may not know each other very well right now, but we owe it to our children to GET to know each other and that could take time.
I'll count this as a baby step, even though its quite possible that something unbelievably crazy could always happen with her in the next week and I don't think I would be shocked by her actions.
I am excited to go out by myself. I think I am going to make it at least a couple times a month thing. Even if other times are not shopping or even at night. Maybe a daytime hike. Maybe I find something interesting to do around town. I don't know. I do know that whatever it is it can be something I am interested in and don't have to worry about whether or not anyone else thinks its cool or not.
I'm 33, she's 32. S4 S2 Married 6 years together 8 EA started Oct 2011 ILYBINILWY February 2012 EA turned PA (for sure)March 2012
That's a good thing but try not to read too much into things...keep your guard up...what other 180's are you doing...is there anything you can do with other people? Maybe a dance class?
Well the MC said that my wife was basically mentally checked out and gone so I should start to plan for life without her. I said that's all well and good, but my wife has no plan to leave. Sure she has the idea, the thought, and the want to be independent, but she has no concrete plan. She tried to relate the steps she's taken (she could name ONE), but she just hasn't had enough time to get around to the rest. I feel like she is in the full on MLC (undecided and uncommitted to anything in her life) and I now have to deal with that accordingly. According to DB it'll take me forever and I have to suck it up and be tough without being a lapdog. She doesn't want to sleep in a different bedroom because she'll be farther away from the kids rooms, but she has no problem (in her mind) moving out completely and being totally away from them for days at a time? She said she is sorry and isn't doing this to hurt me. That is MLC, right? I'm not thrown for a loop at the outcome of the MC, because I don't expect miracles, but I sort of expected a marriage counselor to say "here's were you are both being idiots."
Anyway, I had a good time by myself on Saturday and after we left the MC office, I asked my wife what next weekend looked like for her (they are planning a work christmas party). She said that they would make the decision today which night the party would be and I said great, I would be going out again the other night. She actually said she didn't know if that worked for her. I said no. Christmas party for you one night, fine. I need to go out one of the other weekend nights and am willing to work around your Christmas Party night at this point. I like your idea, 7720, of dance class. I could use a little grace . I am going to look for more things where I get involved with other people, but I also NEED that time fully alone to just wander and recharge from being around people. I will need to build that balance again.
I currently interpret her attitude as she gets to make all her own decisions and she expects me to pass any and all decisions I have (even post imaginary divorce) by her to make sure I'm not getting some imaginary better deal. Whatever.
I'm 33, she's 32. S4 S2 Married 6 years together 8 EA started Oct 2011 ILYBINILWY February 2012 EA turned PA (for sure)March 2012
and she just called me acting all cordial about how this Saturday would work fine if I wanted to go out. Also making plans for our family a month from now. What do you call it when your wife tells you she wants a divorce (although doesn't do a darn thing to follow through with it), but doesn't tell anyone else that is her plan?
I'm 33, she's 32. S4 S2 Married 6 years together 8 EA started Oct 2011 ILYBINILWY February 2012 EA turned PA (for sure)March 2012
I did see some art classes I'd liek to take, but they conflict with my graduate load. Perhaps later this summer? I'll definitely keep it in my list of things to try. Tonight I am going to spend some time exploring other happenings in our sleepy little community.
I'm 33, she's 32. S4 S2 Married 6 years together 8 EA started Oct 2011 ILYBINILWY February 2012 EA turned PA (for sure)March 2012
don't worry too much about the MC they are usually not skilled in DB they seem to go through the motions it is a very ....vague field...like economics....I know that you will read here is that you have to build on yourself and not make her your priority...it is hard and I struggle with it...Today is our 12 year anniversary and W is coming over for dinner with the kids...I don't know if I should do anything for her..
