He's Just Not That Into You - The Sequel

[hopefulinga]

LA, I've been keeping up with your posts, although I haven't posted to you lately. I also see that you started to focus a lot of what your H is/isn't doing and your frustration. I also see some things that you have told your H in your discussion that have probably pushed him back because you sound like you are trying to control what he says to you.

Mach 1 has given you good advice to be yourself. It is hard after so many years of trying to be whatever you thought would make your H happy. After my H told our D he would be "happier" if I moved out, I've really started to focus on happiness being within me and that my H's happiness has to be within him. And he is not there, for whatever reason.

My DB coach told me alot of what yours told you. In my last call, which was several weeks ago, he told me that H may still be testing me or my H may truly think he needs a break from me. That was hard to hear. You may want to think about that in your own M.

I've done a lot of the things my DB coach suggested and a lot of the things that others have posted here. I am trying to be true to myself. I no longer try to keep my H company. I'm going out at night and not worrying about whether or not he will be mad at me. And guess what? For now, he could care less. And I'm starting to not care that he doesn't care. Because I have to be strong for my D and I have to realize that he is not right now.

So listen to what's posted and focus on you. You clearly haven't been happy for a while or you wouldn't have had 2 EAs. A while back I questioned as to whether my hanging on was a control issue and maybe you should do that as well. Are you DBing and hanging on so that you can be in control of the M or the D?

I'm having to face head on that my M may be done, and there is not a whole lot I can do other than work on me. I cannot force my H to stay married to me, just like I couldn't force him to M me in the first place.

And listen to your H. He's switched his focus to going to MC to try to amicably D. Those are his thoughts and where he is. You can disagree with that, but cannot change it.

(((LA))