hi & thanks for comments.

i think you're definitely rite - that any changes in me toward more quiet are good things.

we have a "troubled" cycle going for communications. he grills me (&everyone - lawyer ) and then he doesn't like answer, length, content, words used, etc. on and on. i suppose as i say this out loud- it's him finding fault & WANTING me to be "awful" so he's justified .

i feel rude if i don't respond- i feel dread to respond if it will lead to "one of those" conversations. I know mwd says break the cycle with something different thrown into the mix.

i can't see what possible thing(s) to say tho or do? it sounds soooo EASY - i'm drawing such a blank. Maybe if i have something planned in advance i could do better.

it sounds soo dopey saying this - - but i cannot think what the heck is the appropriate kind of different thing to say to casually worm myself out of some beginning exchange that seems like he's in a icky mood and it's likely to be bad.

i've written about 3 times to you- left without posting tho - being too un-focused.

maybe if i could ALWAYS tell myself in advance to remain calm- EXPECT the worst - remember to not be spontaneous- i could be "ready". ?? ya think???

i always seem to feel surprised to be "attacked". (that does sound crazy of me) maybe it's his way of communicating- and my defensiveness??? my spontaneous (usual) sort of replies don't cut it. then i begin to get angry that I have to act like i'm someone else- talk like someone else- meet his obstructive & critical attitude with my best "mother theresa" attitude.

oh well- see what i mean? maybe you're rite and i need to work on the anger that pops out. i wouldn't have thought myself a particularly angery girl- i keep it under wraps til i'm blammed - then bingo- first urge is to fight back. i'll mull this over- might be something to really dig out and inspect & work on (hard)..

so do you feel like a psychiatrist - who just says "what do you think about that?" and then the patient heels himself? lets hope so- i always wanted to get my head shrunk but never could justify the expense. oh well-

onward & upward -