I think maybe you should keep a calendar, or even a journal. Something so you know how often you do make contact and perhaps some sort of indication of what was said... then you could make sure you weren't calling too often.
Thanks, Miz! (I like the change!)
I was feeling a bit blue - just stressed I think. When it rains it pours, ya know?
And, I am glad you suggested a journal because it stopped me from feeling a little weirded out that I was keeping one.
So, since the message on Sat (8th), he called again last night but did not leave a message. I did call back when I got home but left no message when I got VM. In hindsight, I probably should have just left well enough alone but I do wrestle with my former "distancer" role.
I cannot tell you how strange this dance is for me! We never missed a night talking and if he was going to be late from work, he called me during the day to tell me. I guess I should have got a clue something was up when that was happening less and less, huh? But this strategizing about when to call and not to call just seems so foreign.
Is it strange that sometimes I am not really in the mood to talk to him? I know I should not be giving the OW head space, but I cannot help it. Holidays are coming and they were always very special to us and we always spent the two weeks after Christmas together. Not this year!
And, there is ANGER bubbling just beneath the surface - the lies, the betrayal. Because I do not want any of that to come out while talking to him, sometimes I feel it is best not to talk.
The optimist wants to believe that calling me back even after I did not return his message is a positive sign. The realist in me thinks it is just arrogance at this point and a belief that everything is just fine. Who bloody knows?
In other news, I am putting one foot in front of the other and am in survival mode. I am not looking forward to Christmas this year (too much other family drama) but it will be nice to be off work for the week. I am still trying to detach but it is obviously not working and maybe even harder because the one "sane" person in my life, no longer is!
