I'd much rather be happy, but what's the point of saying that to me now? Bklyn, with all due respect I am not sure you are familiar enough with my sitch to say that. I have been dismissed in this marriage for years and put up with it for the sake of being "happy". That hasnt worked out so well. ----------------------------------------------------------
Bklyn, just a little advice for you, try injecting a little empathy, it certainly goes a long way.
Wow, I gotta say, I didn't see too much of your list in that...^^^^
RLA...
From what I see in your words, you are trying to find a balance between what your DB coach said, and what you feel in your heart. And there is a lot of anger that is inside of you that HAS to come out.
I can understand why you are angry too...
You have given so much of yourself over the years, and now, you feel as though people are telling you to give even more, and sacrifice even more of yourself than you already have....
And that certainly isn't fair now is it ?
Take some time, and really get past the surface of what is being said to you here.
All of this ties into what we have been talking about here the past couple days....
This is a balance, a tightrope that you either walk, based on the "new" you that you have become, and how that plays into the old relationship that you are trying to fix.
It seems as though you are trying to fit within the "role" that you have always had, and you can't fit there anymore. Neither can he.
Bottom line is....that this ISN'T the same relationship that you have had. There have been changes in both you, and him. The struggle now, is to be your authentic self , display the new you, and see if it still fits with him , within the relationship.
You have to give, and you have to be able to receive in order to maintain a healthy balance.
DBing is great at learning how to detach, and to become independent after the breakdown of a relationship. What it isn't so great at teaching, is how to reattach.
How to give up that need to fix, or to control, or letting go of the fear of getting hurt again. How to let down the walls a bit, in order to give yourself again.
It is the reason that piecing is soo freakin hard. Because it goes against everything that we have learned, to protect our hearts.
It is about letting go of fear, and placing boundaries around our self.
It's about learning that... focusing on fixing it, keeps it broken.
Look, you can look around every day, and find 1,000 reasons why you can't do something. When all you need to do, is to find ONE reason why you can do something. Then, your 1,000 reasons become a moot point.
To simplify things a bit, I think what is being asked of you here, and by your DB coach....
Is to live authentically to yourself for a few weeks, monitor how things are going, and see where you are at then....
Don't focus on fitting into that "role" , and just be yourself, the way you envisioned a happy woman, within a relationship would act.
Work on narrowing down that list, and apply those things to your life, and how you interact with everyone, including your Husband.
Find a way to release your anger, instead of the people around you being the target of it. Control it, don't let it control you.
You will find your answers, in time....
Sometimes, the biggest relationship problems seem to dissolve, rather than be resolved.
Foster what works, instead of what doesn't.
One of the most important things I learned, and it took me a long time to get to the point of understanding it fully....
An easy, two word quote, that encapsulates so much in what we go through as the LBS......
