Thanks both, the next email was a more emotional one he asked why I couldn't trust or respect him and why there was no intimacy. Without going into reams of words, I opened up completely, took a long hard look and told him the truth. Apologized for my behaviour, explained why I thought i had acted that way, but did not defend my actions.
I basically ended with the fact that I realize I could love need and want a man and share the burden of responsibility has been a bittersweet revelation because it has come at the end of the marriage.
As for emails, we have never been able to communicate face to face very well and there is too much wariness on both sides and much anger on H's. I am not at a place where I believe I cannot be defensive if he attacks in person, so hence the emails, Hopefully this goes towards our understanding of each other and makes the road a little easier.
Sent that last email already Bug lol! But it gave rise to a good one
