Same Old Wagon Wheel Part 6

[someguy1233]

I need to learn what to say to her better in the moment from a compassionate perspective .

Every once in awhile she will open up to me about her herself and how she is feeling . Most of the time she says "I'm in a fog all day long"

She said that last night to me

Her " how you feeling"

Me: ok , sore throat

Her" you could be in a fog all day like me and not know who you are at times

Me" crickets, chirp, chirp, chirp"

Lol better then analyzing but I froze wasn't expecting it

Validate and empathize.
Examples:
That must be really hard for you.
That sounds difficult.
Wow, that has to be rough. I can't imagine how that must make you feel.

You could even follow it up with a question if she seems to be in a talking mood:
How does being in that fog make you feel?
That must make for a difficult day?

You can use these little opportunities to show that you care and keep her communicating with you.

Agree^^^^. They will do what they will do, and knowing every aspect of everything does not change this. You will only want to know more, even if there is no more. New underwear will become an item of suspicion, dishes not done will equal she is out with someone else. Trust a veteran control freak and snooper, get help to stop this line of anxiety and needing to know, it really doesn't give you any more control in the sitch.

I agree! I used to walk around the house from room to room looking for changes, snooping for evidence of what she may have done throughout the day. The bottom line is, no matter what I found, it wasn't proof of anything. It would just lead to more anxiety. For example, I'd think "oh!! she picked up the house! She must have been expecting someone while I was away." But the reality could be that the house was a mess and needed to be picked up.