I don't want to be that negative, angry person. I want to be balanced, happy, whole. I'm working towards being balanced and happy on my own.
Keep working on yourself and remember that's your number one goal. If you're happy and show no anger it will be harder for your H to stay mad. Right or wrong my W's response to discussions in many ways is dictated by my mood and how I react. When I stay calm/ pleasant they go much better.
Quote:
I am angry. I'm working hard and hitting a brick wall. In MC, he has moved from "I'm trying to decide what I want to do" to "I'm trying to figure out a way for us to have a peaceful D." Therefore, it seems that things are getting ostensibly worse, despite my efforts.
It's ok to be angry but remember to try not to show it to H. You know my sitch also so I fully understand what you're going through and just how hard that is. I'm pretty emotional for a guy and it's so hard sometimes and every time I've gotten angry I've taken steps back.
Quote:
My dad likes to point out that things really have gotten better, though it's hard to see because this race all of a sudden got a lot more challenging.
What does your dad see that you aren't seeing? Might help to give you hope.
Quote:
It is galling to have to hear that he's waiting for me to start working on myself, that he is wondering where the kindness is, that I have no right to tell him to listen to me, that who made me a relationship expert, that what I say now is revisionist history.
I completely understand your frustration here also, sounds like my W in many ways. She said something yesterday that I just can't figure out what she means and I've been racking my brain to see her side so I can correct my behavior/ presentation. Try to sit back when you're relaxed and H is gone and try to figure out why he thinks you haven't started working on yourself and why he doesn't feel kindness from you. Maybe he's just not seeing it and can't get out of the past or maybe he needs it presented differently. That's at least the way I'm thinking in my own sitch.
Originally Posted By: labug
We're mostly a bunch of controlling-fixers here and have wanted to be right rather than happy for most of our lives.
This hit home for me because it's so true. Hard part for me right now is that I'm currently not happy or right. I'm hoping by dropping my ego and not being right I'll eventually be happy.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are