Yes, I believe Sandi is being sarcastic. A man who would give up everything to be with a woman he's known so shortly, is not attractive to a woman. Not in the deep or LTR. But think of what he's offering your W that you weren't. Time and attention. That sounds like what makes this R so appealing to her. But this is something that you can offer her as well - so you're in a good position. Except, you screwed up in the marriage and now she doesn't trust that you would consistently provide her with the attention she needs. That's where the long term work begins.
So DISENGAGE. This is where I continue to mess up. But it doesn't mean withdraw. It means don't be emotionally tied to what she is doing. I find I disengage best when I can consider my W as an acquaintance I really care about. It helps me to thoughtfully respond to what she is doing, instead of emtionally react. (Though I backslid this weekend, and I lost some ground. I guess it happens.)
Right now, emotions and feeling are your worst enemy. Try focusing on reacting to and on your emotions. Feel them, but don't say or do anything with them for now. This is where walking away comes in handy for me. If the W hits a trigger, I look at the ground and say, "that's a good point. I need to think about that," in the nicest, friendliest tone I can muster. And then I get out of there. It is hard..
Something I have a hard time remembering is that the OM isn't the problem. My W isn't the problem. I am the problem. At least the only problem that I can fix. So I work hard at creating the changes in me, that would make me the best husband I could ever be. The husband I really want to be. Of course, this is the worst time to be doing it, with all the pain and fear we're feeling. But it is a gift, because now we have the time and motivation to do it. Take advantage of the gift. In your head, thank your W for the gift. And then start executing and practicing.
