Its hard not to have expectations. In the evenings when I'm home I keep expecting that he's going to stop in ( which he does sometimes) .Then when he doesn't I get upset. Same as weekends, I expect him to be here with me , Saturday night used to be our " date " night, and Sundays were family days, now most Saturdays I sit home alone. Sunday mornings he comes for breakfaast then most times don't see him until Monday morning for breakfast. I ask no questions about his weekend and pretend that this is normal, very hard not to know what is going on ! Im tired of just being a "friend"
So he lives elsewhere, but he just drops by unexpectedly and then he comes by every Sunday and Monday for breakfast? How odd! What are your interactions like when he comes by? Do you ever argue, or is it pretty pleasant? You mentioned he moved out 14 months ago, that's a long time. I'm assuming you've been doing more or less the same thing in that time and nothing has changed. Per DR you have to take stock of your progress now and then, and if there isn't any progress then change something up. If you're tired of being friends then it might be time to tell H you don't want him dropping by unannounced anymore. A lot of the old timers here will tell you that your spouse needs to learn to miss you before they'll think about returning, but if you see them all the time they never learn to miss you. If H can drop by whenever he wants and comes by frequently for breakfast, then he won't miss you because he knows you're always available. Think about changing that up. Maybe your H thinks that because you're 65 that friendship is enough. But clearly that's not working for you. You still have emotional needs and probably physical too. And there are other potential mates out there. Maybe you should seriously think about moving on. If you do, do it for yourself, but know that it's often when the LBS moves on that the WAS suddenly becomes interested again.
Originally Posted By: Sad and alone
Had a good weekend GAL ing.was very busy,have another busy week coming up taking grandchildren to activities,also lots of my own activities.h still coming for breakfast.
That's great that you're staying busy, keep it up! Show H that you're moving on with life whether he joins you or not!
Originally Posted By: Sad and alone
How the heck do you ever get 100posts? I can't talk that much?
To get off moderation you mean? You don't need 100 posts, just keep actively posting and the mod's will take care of it when they're comfortable that you're not spamming (which you're clearly not).
Thanks another stander,I was thinking along those lines of no getting h anything. It's very hard being in the dark and not know what's going on. I told him at the start that it was easier on me if he never stopped,he got very upset and kept coming. I was going to change the code on the door but what I read on here before that because it is still his house as well that I can't legally do that. Yes I have thought of moving on,and he told me to,but I live in a very small town so not many options,also not ready for that.
I hate weekends,it's not that I don't have enough to keep me busy , it's just hard to get motivated because I want my husband here to do it with me,I want a 'normal' life.
Well got through another weekend. Went to a party sat night with friends, h was there and gave me a ride home,just dropped me off with just a "goodnight" like a 'friend'. Had an awesome Sunday,lots happening at church , sleigh ride , hot choc,carols. ,grandchildren and all. Granchildren came to decorate my tree. H came for supper. Stunned by h lack of emotion ! Just don't get it!
some days i'm just ready to throw in the towel, i am so tired of it all. The upcoming holidays are making it very hard to stay positive. H has not mentioned what he is doing for the holidays or asked me what I'm doing and I'm not asking.I'm going to my daughters , she asked what h was doing and I said I don't know, not sure if she's asking him or not. Hate it, Hate it!
Well got through Christmas.was a great day spent with family,grandchildren,h came for Christmas dinner at our daughters,then they all came to my place to open gifts here. H stayed awhile after everyone left ,then he left.he phoned a little while later to see if he could come back for a hot toddy because we didn't have our Christmas drink together. He spent Christmas eve and christmas morning with his daughter.she still doesn't want to join our family gatherings which I've told him I would like to do. Maybe next year! She feels like he owes her the rest of his life because he hasn't been in it. He came back for coffee and breakfast this morning. I still don't understand why he won't come back here to live. but I don't bring the subject up much as I want to. He has been spending huge amounts of money renovating his place which really hurts as it looks like he is staying there long term.
I'm really losing my patience,keep reading the dos and donts of dbing but this is killing me. I want so much to tell him how much I love him and miss him. I'm really tired of limbo! Guess there's really not much else to do but wait and pray that he will come back.I know,detach,easier said than done!
Why do I have to be in this place at this stage in my life, I am still so sad and lonely.want the holidays to be over anyone have any words of encouragement, I'm tired of being sad and lonely. I have tried galling but it makes me sad to go out and see happy couples.
