It would help if we knew more about what (if any) no-contact and transparency arrangements were agreed upon by the two of you?
I always advise betrayed spouses to head into any reconciliation ("Piecing") phase with a firm, mutually-agreed-upon no-contact/transparency plan in place, and also with an internal (not communicated to their formerly-wayward spouse) benchmark of "How many 'strikes' am I willing to put up with in terms of re-contact with the OM/OW? One, but only if it's self-confessed? One even if I have to find out about it and they only come clean when confronted? Two? More than two?"
Deciding these things in the quiet of your head and heart, and keeping them hidden there, makes it easier later when the boundary is violated. That way, you're not making a potentially life-changing decision (either too lenient, or too harsh) based on the heat of your emotions at the moment.
