Quoting myself here but have an honest question. I've been good about not initiating R talk but when they happen she mostly keeps repeating things while I try to discuss what's on my mind. I feel like I'm pursuing a little during these talks because when we discuss R it's obvious what I want.
I agree with you, in reading the discussion it sounds like you're pursuing and trying to control the direction of the conversation. You and I both know that's not your intent and that you're trying to get your W to think differently, but the best thing to do is just stop talking and listen. Just let her talk. She's probably not going to remember what you said by tomorrow anyway. I can't believe how forgetful my wife has become, any R talks we have vanish from her mind like the morning vapor when the sun comes up.
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and then sometimes tell her how I see the same topic which is always leaning towards reconciling.
Which is NOT what she wants right now. So you're telling her the two of you want different things. That's pressure. Her perception is that you're trying to make her change to your point of view, that you want things YOUR way. Again, I know all too well where you're coming from because as you know our sitches are very similar, but we have to look at this from their point of view and it's distinctly different from ours.
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I'm trying to just plant some seeds and get her head out of the negative past but not sure if there's a better way to go.
I really think it's better to just not say anything. Let her talk, you listen, nod your head, say nothing. If she asks what you think then tell her you're not sure about the future and you need time and space to think about it. Because THAT is agreeing with her, THAT is telling her you're both on the same page. And after all, you DO need to think about it. Are you sure you want to have an R with the person your W has become? I think we get so bogged down in trying to get them back that we forget to ask ourselves this question.
