I wasn't listen to you folks, but that's really secondary now.
What have we been telling you? Detach. Get a life. Work on the one thing you can change- YOU. This revelation from your W doesn't change that. That is STILL your goal. Improve yourself.
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She said I was selfish in our marriage and we just didn't work for a long time.
I know it must hurt deeply to learn about the A, but try to understand what she's saying. People are nearly always driven to an A because of huge problems in their own M. They're seeking something they're not getting in the M. Maybe it's sex, maybe it's validation, maybe it's companionship, love, etc. Or a combination of those. So own your mistakes, do 180's on them, make yourself a spouse only a fool would leave. You'll be a better person regardless of what happens to your M. But when you become a better person, often the WAS takes notice and starts thinking of returning.
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This really changes things a lot for me.
How so? Haven't you said from the beginning that she was having an A?
