Trying really hard to be Thankful today...

[Accuray]

I went to IC today and he was discouraging about my M. He said that he hopes he is wrong, but that he believes that my M is over for good. In his 31 years of practicing, he has seen some marriages get back together and the WAS realizes OMG...WTF was I thinking..but he said in most cases its done.

99% of the time when one person asks for divorce the two parties square off and decide that everything was the other person's fault and display their hurt as anger toward one another. I would agree that in most of those cases there is no coming back. He's making a pretty gross generalization -- what two other people would do doesn't really predict what you and your H will do very well because the circumstances and the specifics are so different.

IC says that 4 months is awhile for him to be gone and that the longer they are gone they usually just keep on moving forward and stay gone.

Agree with LIS -- IC doesn't know what he's talking about. I will say, however, that the only common theme I've seen on this board with the WAS returning is that they only return after you have completely moved on and let go.

IC said that some guys just want better sex, a better woman and freedom and once they get it they never look back.

I hope you kicked him square in the jimmy when he made that remark! Most new relationships are not going to come with "freedom" the way he is talking about it. WRT sex, I think the only truth in this is that if sex is completely unsatisfactory to one partner, and they complain but their spouse disregards the complaint, then it might eventually get so painful for the dissatisfied spouse that they leave and don't look back. Reading your sitch, however, it doesn't seem that you withheld sex or that H complained that the sex was not satisfactory. I further don't think he cited sex as a reason for his departure. I don't think it speaks well of IC that he would say this to you, because all it's going to do is make you feel inadequate or badly about yourself.

I would tell IC that your goal is to reconcile your marriage, and you would like his support to that end. If he doesn't get on the bus, find a new therapist.

Accuray