Sweetbriar…. Sigh. Dear God, your sitch is heartbreaking and I am so sorry for what you are going through.
No one knows how this thing is going to turn out and I never want to give false hope. It’s funny, I think things turned when I actually gave up hope. I know others would say the same thing. With that said, there is no way I could disagree with your therapist more. Being gone 4 months is actually a good thing. It’s the ones who come home right away that tend to be a lot more conflicted about their decision to return. They simply have not had enough time to figure things out on their own. My H tried to return after a year. My friend actually divorced his W only to be reunited and eventually remarried after 2 years. There are just no rules on these things and anyone telling you otherwise is plain wrong.
As far as your H’s attachment to OW. Yep, he may run away with her. That could happen. You could win the lottery. It’s not likely. People in these types of situations start to figure out that they can’t trust one another given the nature of their beginnings. The OW, especially, gets very very cranky when these H’s have contact with their ex’s and their displeasure in that starts to escalate as they get more comfortable with one another. And, the H typically cannot tolerate the increasing level of contentious interactions over it. (I had 2 idiot brothers who had affairs too and they all sing the same tune)
BUT, right now you need to lead your life without him. And I won’t even pretend to know or understand what that is while being pregnant with his child, but that is what needs to be. No matter how hard it is. Because I do believe that detachment is the key. Keep your interactions with him VERY cordial and be the safe haven. But your goals at this point need to be about YOU and your children. That’s it.
Out of curiosity, why does he feel that you and the girls don’t care? Where is he getting that from?
