trying to save my marriage Phase 2

[notsurewhat2do]

Wow, I just typed a long response and lost it! :-(

I think you are doing the right things. Your DD sees you as primary caregiver and is clinging to you. She still loves her Daddy, but she doesn't see him everyday. It's okay. And regardless of what others think about letting DD spend the night with H and OW, that really is your choice, in my opinon. Is he fighting you on the decision? Have you sought legal counsel? (I can't remember) If not, I would suggest you do, just to get your ducks in a row. Just because you see a lawyer doesn't mean you WANT a divorce, it just means you are looking out for your best interest. And NOBODY has to know.... as hard as it is, you aren't bound to disclose anything to your H. Like my H, he kept a huge secret from you and if he's anything like mine, he kept lots of secrets. I don't feel bad about any I keep right now. He doesn't tell me where he goes or what he does, so I don't tell him. I love my H very much, but I'm tired of being treated like his rug. I want and need a little control of my own.
You'll get there. For some, it just takes a little longer and each should come to their own decisions/reactions in their own time. I'm not nearly as far I want to be, but I'm getting there ... day by day, step by step. Like I said, I love my husband and if he decided today he wanted to come home, I'd probaly say "Okay, lets try, but here are my stipulations" .... but I'm done letting him walk all over me. I'm getting on with my life and hopefully, regardless of the outcome, it'll make me a stronger, wiser and more attractive person.