Howdy All! Time for a new thread. I decided to title it this because that's the path I feel Im on now.
I've survived and with each passing day I find myself thriving now....but every now and then with a few emotional backslides. Hell it's all part of the process.
As I look back at a year ago, Christmas time last year was the most horrible Christmas I had ever had in my life. I was so emotionally wounded, my skin and brain were almost numb. Tears would fall uncontrolably. The pain went beyond heart ache, down to my soul. All of us know this pain. But as my D10 says " the pain makes you learn". Boy has it.
So here I am a year later Christmas time. Im in the Christmas mood and excited for the season. Im embracing the magic of Christmas. I feel joy for the first time in years. I finally found out what brings me true joy, happiness, and contentment. Helping people that really need it. I don't mean people pleasing but helping people that really need it.
A co worker of mine, that's also becoming a good friend, really needed some help this week. She left a bad marriage and in the end had to have her husband arrested for domestic abuse. Though this woman was in a bad marriage, it was this person that's really helped me find my self esteem again. She's been such a support to me over my heart ache over XH. While her H was in jail she high tailed it out of their house and moved out. A week later she finally found a place of her own, and needed just one more day off to get completely moved in. She asked me if I'd work for her on her normal work day. I said yes, of course. But the relief, gratitude and joy she got from me helping out was just the best gift in the world to me. I really helped her. It made me feel like the richest woman in the world. And in turn I want to return that feeling to others.
So my point being, is a year ago, and a few times during this last year I've been so down and low over the horrible things my MLCer has done, and is still doing. I lost the ability to feel joy. The ability to feel happiness. The ability to even muster a desire to try and find joy in anything. To the point of wanting to die, and actually semi planning a suicide. Each time I got extra low, the thought of my girls living their lives without me in it was enough to make my pull myself up and keeping moving forward.
But here I am. I not only survived, Im now managing to thrive. And it's just the beginning.
So What my goal is for this thread is to focus on how we all went from shattered, to putting ourselves back together again, and how we've found and still continue to find ourselves each day.
And of course the backslides in between. WE all have them, especially duing Holiday's anniversaries, etc. Heck I've been having them already. The interactions with the MLCers also tend to push buttons and still bring up questions with in us.
Even today I awoke to thinking " why did XH call me such horrible names? Why did he leave me such horrible nasty notes?Why did he become so verbally abusive?"
But after a few minutes I realized his behavior was not my responsibility, and why he chose and still chooses to behave so erratically, is just the way he is.
How I choose to deal with it has everything to do with my well being and feeling as a person. Believe me it's pretty damn tricky when you've lived with crazy making passive aggressive MLC behavior for years. But you learn!
