Trying really hard to be Thankful today...

[Sweetbriar]

Thanks Acc again for your input. I did go and read LIS post about her H coming home. I can only pray that will be me one day.

I have thought about what you said about burning bridges and I know that in the beginning when I first found out and before I found this site or the book, I was angry and mean. I also, as recent as Oct, did a drive by her house, which I regret. It was then that I decided to no longer contact him and have not since unless he initiates something about kids or finances.

I do know that affairs are based on fantasy but I have a hard time believing that its fantasy in his head. He really believes that she is really there for him and is helping him through this mess of a M. He is a huge clinger and will cling to anyone who pays attention to him...always has been that way..so as long as she is meeting his emotional needs, I find it hard to think he will break away. Right now, she is everything to him. I agree with you that she cannot be that great of a catch..I have heard things and of course, what you said...she is dating a married man with kids and a pregnant wife! How low will they go?

I did question the texts but not the 2nd job. I think that he needed to get that job regardless of OW because he wants to move out on his own right now. He has never lived alone and I think that he thinks that is what he needs. Just to be on his own. Not having to answer to anyone and being a "2 hour dad" weekly.

I went to IC today and he was discouraging about my M. He said that he hopes he is wrong, but that he believes that my M is over for good. In his 31 years of practicing, he has seen some marriages get back together and the WAS realizes OMG...WTF was I thinking..but he said in most cases its done. He told me not to read into the texts at all and that H probably realizes that baby is coming in 12 weeks and that he better ask if I needed anything. IC does think Im doing better but I left feeling sad. I still want that hope that H could come back:( IC says that 4 months is awhile for him to be gone and that the longer they are gone they usually just keep on moving forward and stay gone.

I really like my IC and usually he is very encouraging about myself and what I am doing, but today, talking about H, IC was very negative. He also said that MLC doesnt happen this young..(H is 36). He does think H has some major issues and childhood issues, but really thinks he is done with M. Maybe he knows something I dont know, as H's counselor is in the same practice???

Anyway, last night walked in to D14s room and found her sobbing. She is having a hard time with the holidays and we talked and ended up laughing in the end! I told her that we will be just fine. The thing that made me the saddest is when she said "mom, he really isn't coming home is he?" Its in these moments that I get the most angry at H...that he chose to not only dispose of me and our marriage, but his beautiful daughters and the relationship he had with them. I will never understand what is going through his head and how he can possibly think that where he is heading is happiness??

I read somewhere on the internet that once the affair reaches the point of a solid friendship and a romantic relationship, that its hard to give it up....and H is there with OW. He has said that we (the girls and I) dont care about him but OW does. That he had to leave because the girls shouldnt hear us fight...well...the only fighting they have ever heard was in the last months when he was with OW. He seems to only remember those months and not the past 15 years of marriage when we were a happy family.

One more thing (sorry..Im all over the place..but Im remembering things IC said this morning) ..IC said that some guys just want better sex, a better woman and freedom and once they get it they never look back.

I left feeling very discouraged:(