Sad for me that I wasn't able to be happy, and really for several years I wasn't. Sad that I let my anxiety and depression rule my life for as long as I did. Sad that I couldn't tell him that for all the stupid little things that drove me crazy there were just as many stupid little things that made me smile or warmed my heart.
Sad for him that I controlled and manipulated, and that he couldn't/wouldn't have a talk with me before it got to "I'm done"-that he remained unhappy and couldn't come up with a better way to solve the problem. Sad that he couldn't let his wall down and truly let me in.
Sad that when our son was diagnosed with the anxiety disorder and hospitalized neither of us let our walls down, in fact I think we built them stronger because neither of us knew how to handle all the feelings involved in that.
Sad that we, as the adults, couldn't do better for our sons.
But we're(sons and I)here now and we're stronger, we have different skill sets, we talk.
I am happier than I can remember being in years so things are improving.
But all is not rainbows and unicorns, I have to experience all these emotions and let them go.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
