i do sometimes remember to stop and ask myself WHY he's still here if not because he too has happy memories & "knows something" deep in his heart. I think that- then i'm not sure because he never can talk about his feelings and he apparently spouts the L word to anyone he's having sex with.
he's said he's not been "havin fun" for 10 yrs!!! if that is true- wtf??? what was he waiting for? was he ever going to speak up?
i'm hung up at moment about the sex (and time frames maybe) - i hate the idea of infidelity. i know sex loses it's "shine" a bit with long-time mate. i believe it's a mental thing- more than physical (almost). (tho certainly physical) - i waiver - - he's "thinking" she's his "solution" - i'm his "problem" .
now or then i think he could possibly regain his rite perspective on me and our r- - - - ( honestly the best thing ever in either of our lives) (if it even was what i thought it was...) stopping- yeah, i know..
then i realize maybe he never will - he's AFRAID (i think) of his past performance inabilities and will never have the courage to even try. (my big fear - is his big fear) i shove that thought away because - I believe it's mostly mental. for me, him or other people - then, i'm not sure. i need to stop thinking everyone n world is like me inside. obviously THEY ARE NOT.
i don't want to EVER be blind & unprepared again.
thanks for your insights - i keep thinking there's a "timeframe" and if i've only KNOWN for 1.5 yr - that's one thing. If he's been unhappy for TEN (for cripes sake!!!) - that's something else (we hope just spew?) - then i think about FOREVER cheating (even if only mental & not physical) - then i think my head will explode-
