Just a note on an experience I had yesterday. I've recently started joining a group of women from my neighborhood for a weekly get-together. Right now we play Mexican Train dominoes. And talk. We have a good time and although I had met all this women before I didn't really "know" them.
They all knew H and I as a couple because we have attended the same events, parties. (our neighborhood has lots of activities) When I first started attending the dominoes party, a couple had heard we were S or D, a couple had no clue, so it's been interesting picking my way through this.
But yesterday I was at a table with 4 women, I don't know their ages but in their 60s and 70s. One was D after 30 years, her H "just didn't want to be married anymore." They were S for 2 years but she eventually filed for D because he was having affairs. Close to my story minus the affairs.
She is now happily married to someone else.
Another was D after 22 years because her H was having an A with her best friend. They married and then, get this, years later she married the XH of the best friend! She said the weddings of the kids were interesting. I can only imagine.
They've been married for 30 years.
And the 4th at the table just lost her husband this summer. She is grieving and doing well but it's hard, especially at Christmas. I used to see them walking in the neighborhood and could notice him declining. Come to find out, this was a second marriage for both of them and it seems it was a long and happy one.
We had fun (I lost) and their stories were helpful but I got sad last evening and am trying to figure that out. I think it's because I deluded myself for many years about my H.
Now I'm seeing him more clearly and it's difficult. It's not that he's a bad person, he just is who he is, but I saw him as, and probably tried to make him into, my vision.
Needs more thought.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
