I really liked your "story". you made me think both of my own summers at mom's beach house - and my sister ( 1 yr younger) (irish-twin & excellent sidekick - that died 4 yrs ago.
the little charming cottage shorehouse is now surrounded w/ mcmansions- embroiled in a lawsuit to force sale - & TON of family crappola & discord. My sister's gone- she became an alcoholic & drank her self to death...
thing is- YOU ARE correct that my happy happy youthful memories of her and the shore are both little happy beacons in my past. I "GO THERE" first when i think back and it makes me laugh to remember the great times & escapades. so i hope i can keep my memories of happy times w/h in some pain-free place in my heart. (in the "end")
i can't still figure out who was "the real" her- my constant companion/friend or the broody, unhappy, reclusive woman??? i don't think i'll ever know- guess they both were. i have no place to go with that info - i cannot figure it out- or "lable it".
i'm happiest with things sorted- labled and filed away in their proper place. (yeah- i've learned last couple yrs that there are no "right" lables - in the filing cabinet of life. wah wah.. (too many years in law offices?)
(btw - she ALWAYS picked troubled men & stray dogs - she needed to save people & animals. if my h had just dumped my sorry booty 10 or 15 years ago (if that was his desire?!) she very probably would have "saved" me in this awful sitch- and that might have "saved her". i know- it's unproductive to think- but...)) timing - huh?
your story is making me think the shorehouse troubles & sister's death & story are 2 things mired in GOOD AND bad. never to be un-en-twangled. my brain usually does go to the good. so thanks for the jolt of realization there.
this h thing tho - if i can come to grips with the past- if people (I) honestly CAN learn to live with anything? do i WANT to live with a cheating man? i know it's not the time to make that ultimate choice. i don't know if we have "something" to hang onto or not- i can forget & forgive (i'm pretty sure) BUT - - - -. SO - do i consider this junk- or just STOP-IT and concentrate on not thinkng about anything at all til i even see where chips fall w/this guy?
whattya think?
can i - or do i want to "learn to live with" him screwing around allover the place - i'm not sure that's my cup of tea. if this is a HUGE part of his character,?.. and has been forever - now wtf???
your post & perspective helped immensely - i'm at some "gone" point-in-life where sister is GONE, (her & my best guy/brother friend died in car crash rite before she started to drink for real), SHORE house is on it's way out- mom is on her way out- H is on his way OUT??? - too many things in life that were MY LIFE are gone & going. i know, it's nothing i can control - things,people - GO... I'M TRYIN to be "a man" here and butch up- it's slow goin - this gettin TOUGH stuff. guess we all have to ride thru our PAIN and get used to it. crap!!!. i hate this real life junk.
sure wish i could cure all my own problems with some stupid affair that made ME feel all young & special and powerful again... if only it were THAT EASY -
thanks alot- could you live with a cheating spouse - knowing? and forever? i'm curious what people do endure & why & how
I do like (and need) love, affection & ta da - sex... (real sex - even if boring - more than woo hoo- fakie new exciting sex)
i'm outt ahere- thanks for listening & commenting- i'm feelin a bit more "peaceful" rite now about the memories.
BUT- IF we can value the memories? - still don't "get" what we do about the things we've learned about our mate's character & the "real them"??? would we have fallen in love in the beginning if we'd known? probably not?...
