I can feel your pain in your writing, you will never be alone, we are here and you have friends, and crazy momma, a sister, and babies around you. DOn't ignore all that because of one persons absence. DOn't let him blind you to all you have!
hiya - as usual, you are rite i know- voice of reason. I am alot more fortunate than most in this sitch maybe - ( also- the "crazy momma" bit- it's true. she's totally on some wierd voyage of her own - ("yikes captain - the world is flat - we're going over the side" ) - kind of voyage. but i guess i haven't had her life & i'm not 88 and falling allover every other day, etc. - good news is she falls, but doesn't remember!!! don't even know what to think about that!
God knows i managed to select a mate alot like her. holy cow batman- i don't even have a thought about that either.
I got busy with christmas stuff- mailing a couple ebay things- etc and yesterday was okay. last nite i made several (get this) construction paper big santa with jointed A & L - tree w/ glitter & manger scene for my playmate greatneice in fla to hang on the wall. we've been doing a 5' peice of cord between two nails on the wall with whatever is the season's decorations hanging from it. it's funny- i even glued on cotton for fur- haven't done that since kindergarden probably. nothing like hairy fingertips with gluey-cotton- fuzz-residue allover them to cheer you up. i need to mail it today with some stickers & buttons or something she can further embellish with. she's a killer ... miss her alot.
mornings are my low point. nothin to do about that but just dive in and do it.
i have to read again and mull over responses from yesterday- it's such good stuff and i'm flattered to think you & tsq & snodderly came to the "rescue" also. I am thankful for some little guardian angels out there who swoop in to chuck some wisdom down on me - just when you take a bad turn and think it's dark and you're really lost - there's that little light up ahead to go towards.
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You sound like this is emotional instead of secure in your forward action. Lets face it you don't want H (as he is) maybe there's too much hurt to ever get past this anyway.
you're right- I told myself alllll day - don't talk - don't 'SAY" ANYTHING if he calls, etc. I didn't either - yay - one small step for mankind.
it's his darn admission that he and ow had a "thing" back 50 million years ago. he said not sex- but it casts an entirely new light on my entire life with him. i can think of times i was out of town- mom in hospital for 7 wks one time, etc. and he was "kind of strange" on phone - (i THOUGHT THEN: "he's a non-emotional sort of man & didn't feel comfortable or know what to say to make me feel bettr" ) (ME & MY "SPIN") - i would now bet you $$ that everytime i was EVER gone- he just availed himself of whatever Loooooove opportunities were around.
i know it's crazy to revisit that kind of past junk - BUT - what does it say about the man i thought i knew & the life & r i thought i/we had?????. that's the rub- what sort of person is this to lie forever and lie to me specifically to keep me dangling along in it all.
i'm over the amazement- shock & horror of knowing this has happened and i'm a lbs -
BUT - if his r with her has gone on 20 or 25 years? what have i EVER had - really. one has to wonder ....
i'm not big on "sharing" men- that's my huge stumbling block. I am a totally monogamous gal
i have residual feelings for him & a life together and he's my "rock" in life - well, was. now that i find my rock is below sea level alot of the time- what do i do with this information?
??????????????????????/ anybody ?????
I'm having a pretty busy social life up here - w/family & friends- but this one "concept" is throwing a monkey wrench into my gears with the dbing. WHAT THE HECK IS IT's implications? AND DOES IT MATTER - AND IS IT FATAL? On this I've got no perspective.
i'll throw in one kind of positive thing (i think) - he called to test a new cellphone he was jerking around with- then again. in 2nd call i asked a computer casual ? & in explaining he began to get himself all worked up and icky. and accurately- he was doing it to himself.
