I don't even know were to begin with this story! I will try to for the short version.
As I expressed in my last post H and I were talking about ea/ow mainly because she was drunk and rang his phone 25x's on Fri. night while he was at work. I was at work with him and privy to this info.
As his phone rang he said he hadn't talked to her all week trying create some distance. But, when she's drunk she doesn't handle that well.
I told him I will never except this so he needs to leave and go live a life I will always find unacceptable. I was very serious, and unwavering from my words and intensity in my eyes, that were focused directly into his.
I stopped talking after that and he started to explain his justification for needing ea, as I refused to hear it (by way of walking out) he began to speak very highly of me.
We walked to have lunch (night shift 2am) while I continued to stand my ground as we sat quietly. Next thing I know h starts talking about our R. He starts with saying "I could live the rest of my life with you, you are still a beautiful women to me"! Huh!
Ok, so I don't say a word. He continues saying I am a great mom, wife, person, all the good stuff and that life with me is a good one.
He admits that he has not been as attentive as a good H should be, and then brings up the PA he had back 18 months ago, that lasted 6 months. He explained that he was going through thoughts of his teen life and all he missed out on, MLC?
I still have not spoken...honestly my mind was racing through ever bit of info I have ever read or gotten from people on this site. I could see the writing...don't bring up R,M, STFU!
He continues to try to explain, but not justifying his actions this time, what was going through his mind, saying that being married did not factor into his thoughts at the time, and that he should have acknowledged that he was.
He wants the kids to say home as long as they need, he believes it will give them a good footing in life. He has been thinking about the future, making sure there is enough money for him and I to live comfortable.
He starts to admit that he doesn't have "it" anymore to keep working as he has (workaholic) and is worried. At this point I said the original plan was to have me work and you slow down, but now we are in a bigger mess and have gone nowhere wasting the last 2yrs.
Admittingly he says he is not blind to the things he has brought on us and what he has done to me, as well as seeing that I am truly at my end.
We kinda left it at that...when he stopped I didn't pursue.
Any thoughts? What do I do with this? Does this mean anything, good or bad? I know not to change anything, keep GAL and detaching, don't trust the script. BUt, it this something else.
I would love some feed back on this...I feel way to close to it all right now!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
