My Fears in GALing

[newman7977]

Journaling

Sunday morning, I asked her if we can go out to dinner or movies. She said no. So I respected that. Then that led to R talk.

i express to W I don't want to live with her as room mate anymore, I want us to start doing couple stuff if we are going to be together. I also expressed my needs to ML to her. I don't know what's wrong with me but this is driving me insane! I will address this ML issue to my IC. Her response is that she understood but she just can't start doing those things because she doesn't feel like it.

She then ask me if I'm still going to IC. I said yes and I asked her the same.

She told me she's trying and that she's working on herself. Apparently, she's got some issues with her family being critical. I think this is where her thinking have changed about marriage-- that one doesn't have to stay M if you're unhappy. She's surrounded by divorced/separated/unhappy peers, so I think this is radiating on her.

Another issue uncovered is that She also go out of her way to please people and perhaps her expectations are the same and if those are not met the same way, then she gets disappointed. So I think this is one area of our breakdown, where in the past I have ignored her requests because I'm too tired etc..(yes my fault for not giving enough time)

My thought is that she's got a long journey ahead. I just dont know how much i have left in me. I guess I will go day by day until I finally say that's it.

I noticed I'm building a lot of resentment too. She went out Sunday with a female co-worker for a work related dinner. I didn't think it was necessary; it wasnt mandatory or anything like that, so she could've elected to stay home and spend time with the kids. But that's just me anytime I get a free time I make sure I'm with my family.

Even though I was a little disappointed I acted "as if" and didn't let those thoughts ruin the day. I took s3 to feed the ducks at the park, went to the market, and cook dinner. She got home at 9pm.

She thanked me for taking care of the kids.

I'm confuse about validating. It seem like when you don't say anything it feels like you are agreeing with them? That's what I tried, I just listened and bit my tongue...but inside of me, I didnt agree.

But it worked, she was warm with me all day Sunday...even asked me to fix her laptop keyboard.

So my questions now:

How to validate without seeming to agree?

In my sitch a little physical touch is sometimes acceptable by my wife, should I keep doing this?

Because I tried to go dark and didn't hug her for 2 weeks and we got really distant. I don't know how much to apply.

Also been thinking, other than my 180s and zero fights, we've been doing same life activities as before...do I need to change anything? I feel like I don't need to go dark since we're not hostile to each other and she's really not pushing for D right now...

I'm so confuse.

Newman