Thanks CV it was decent of you to post back. I'm not up for examining my flaws today, but in this place it's fair game.
So we told the kids at dinner. No one ate dinner. S14 cried and then S12 cried. I hugged them and told them how very much I love them. H was robotic. S14 left the house and we've been having a text conversation that was very difficult. He did not accept the party line that we had problems we could not resolve. He wanted to know specifically what problems, and when I tried to explain that they were between us adults he said he had a right to know what was going on in his family. Then he asked if H is gay. I told him I have no reason to believe that. H has to have a best friend to confide in just like I do and just like S14 does. I told him I didn't have all the answers, this was confusing and complicated, and that I would try my best to answer his questions as they come up.
I sure would like to finish off my bottle of wine but I have felt that my kids aren't getting anything to ease their pain; I won't either. We'll get through it together.
I've been calling my friend the psychologist for help answering S14's texts. She was mainly emphasizing that I should try to be as even as possible about our roles, saying we, we, we instead of he. S14 challenged that though, and it felt dishonest, so I said we just haven't been able to make each other happy, and H's unhappiness has been affecting all of us. There's a lot more that was said back and forth by text, because he said in text that he couldn't talk to me face to face about it yet.
S12 and I had some escapism watching funny videos and I'm sending him to bed. He is acting unnaturally cheerful. H asked him to vaccum some leaves and dirt in the kitchen and he did, then made a humorous comment about how dad's leaving and NOW look how good I'm doing at vacuuming. I'll have to keep an eye on that one too.
No one deserves this. I feel violent.
((()))) Ya, I feel violent too sometimes. We do everything we can to protect our kids then these things happen. I agree and disagree with your psych. friend. Kids should know who's decision it is to move out, but that you support H's decision. I told my daughter that when you love someone you have to let them do what they need to do. This does not mean you love them any less, just that you want them to be happy with themselves. I do not malign H's decision, but I have made no bones about how I feel in terms of wishing he had stayed. That being said, see line about H's happiness above.
Watch S12-who will try to compensate and S14 will want answers. If you feel he needs to ask Dad, then let H know ahead of time what may be coming and what you have said. I really try to do this, but right now in my sitch, I am having a "moment". I will get through this and so will you!
