TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

UF,


I was reading through your threads a little, and you are in great hands with Chatter..

He is leading you on your way. And you are doing well. You have a great mindset so far...

He is indeed great help, and thank you for the encouraging words.

Keep calm and cool during those times, and keep the talks focused and civil. Do not let them push those same old buttons on you.

Did you DB well ? Only you know that answer...

I didn't let it affect me too much.
I looked at her side, and understood her reasons for reacting this way. I listened.
I didn't just give her the answer she wanted just b/c, I still let my opinions be known, but I did it respectfully and calmly.

Maybe she responded positive to it, maybe not. But I do know I handled it a lot better than what I would before.

Did what she say to you make the back of your neck burn ? Was there some sting in her words ?

THOSE are the things that you should look at when you think about making changes for you.

It didn't make me angry. It was unpleaseant hearing how she felt about it, but it didn't "get" to me.
Why?
Because I know my wish for change is true, regardless of anything.
Just like her I'm done! I'm done always putting work first.

I still want to be ambitious, that's why I'm on this project.

I also want to take care of my family/son, that's why I'm taking so much more time off from work otherwise.
It's why I asked for a car 100% of the time.
Why I insist on taking time of to go to arrangements with S and weekly appointments.

I love my line of work, but I told my boss that if we can't meet half way, then sorry, I won't be able to do this anymore.

I KNOW my wish is true, and I HOPE I won't loose my way ever again.

And then ask yourself, why you are like that ?

Why are you more driven by Money, than the personal relationships in your life ??

What I tell myself : "means to an end"
In our early(childless)years, I would work a lot, make a lot of money, and we would then travel the world so to speak. For 1 week, 3 weeks, 5 weeks, whatever.

It would be so we could have fun.

Later it would be so I could buy us an appartment, and now recently it was to provide financial security for us and to be able to build a house for us.

Those are good things, but I wish I could've seen the downside. The downside, was major. I let her suffer, and all the while I tought I did what was best for us. I see now how naive I was. There is soo much more to a R than money, security and a house.

UF....

While her words might not be true to you, they are very true to her.

That is the truth she is living right now. That is what is real in her world.

Her decision is to leave the relationship, and it will continually be her decision....until she changes her mind...

Yes, you're right. Spot on. That is why I do my best at detaching.

Just like her I can't truly change for someone else, it has to be my own free wish regardless of outcome. Otherwise it will be poisoned by disappointments and resent.

Keep up the work as it pertains to you and your Son....
Fight for it, and foster it...
That is one relationship that will never fail you...
Unless you let it fail....

So true. The single most valuable thing to fight for, and the thing that will matter the most in the end.


I may put myself in good light here, but don't get me wrong, I still mess up and do the wrong things more often than I would like.
I'm just starting to see how much work and change this will actually demand.
I'm trying to stay positive, but also realistic.

I still remind myself that I need to detach more, mindread less, and keep changing my mindset. I need to let go of any anger or resentment, and learn more about respect and how to be a better person.



Thanks for the thought provoking Q's!
I realize they are for myself, but venting here helps me reflect.