Thanks Ruby. I don't know what is up with me these past several days. I am weepy and dark in my head. I keep telling myself I need to get my head around my future and really start accepting this sitch. I thought I was... I think I am. Yet something has thrown me.
I think its H being nice to me.
I dont trust it.
So instead of looking at the positives over the past couple of weeks I have been focusing on the fear of the unknown...borrowing trouble from the future. And not living in the moment for the now.
I spent a good two years in denial. I don't want to live like that anymore.
And the upcoming holiday is freaking me out. I do not want to have any expectations. I know better now. Ok. Time to refocus.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Busting, big hug to you. I've been in that dark place...many times. Only picture a positive future. If you catch yourself going back to the darkness, spend some time in nature. Is there a park near where you live?
I don't think your H is being nice to you bc he's going to do something awful in the near future. But I guess, who knows. Don't think about this too much.
No park near but, to be honest I go to my kids and get involved in their worlds. Its the one thing throughout my day that I truly look forward to.
Its funny (not ha ha) but my D is such daddy's girl. She verbalizes how much she prefers H to me. She is 5 so I don't take it personally, but I do know how much he means to her and I think it is a wonderful R they have. I get sad when I think that what he wants means she won't have him in her life like she does now (which is still not full on).
He is really the fun dad. I am fun too! lol, I swear! lol but I also have to be the one that disciplines and make sure homework is done, and get to bed on time. So I guess I am not as fun lol.
I won't think about it too much Tori. ((( ))) I at least will try not to. I am going on past experiences. Last xmas eve, he sent me a text saying 'we need to finalize this D'.
I thought 'wow, merry xmas to you too.'
So again, think I am protecting myself from the worst. Don't want to think about it, just want to be prepared.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I think if you get to Christmas Eve you need to shut off cell and put it in freezer. Screw it, and enjoy the time with the babies
Also it is dark for me too and I have been better. H has gone NC, opposite of yours. We, you and me, HAVE to stop letting this affect us. I feel like that little dog always jumping after the big one saying "Huh, Spike? Huh?" And I don't like it.
About the future, there is nothing we can do. What will happen will happen. I refuse to think of my sitch further than today. If I do, it freaks me out lol! I can only think about it on a good day, or in a good hour. To dwell on it when you are in the dark places is not a healthy idea.
Get out, go for a walk, buy an ice cream-do something,
i have been weepy lately too. i think it is the holidays. i need to spend more time on the blanket, hope you will join me. it is always more fun when you are there!
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I now see what drives you to expect bad news on Christmas. It's the past, though. Yes, the past may repeat itself, but maybe not. Do something different this year. You guys are going away for the holiday, right? Is he going to be there with you and the kids?
In the beginning of my sitch my H was NC with me AND the kids. This is all recent, him being nice, etc. But two years ago to the day? I had no idea in the world where he was. He literally was MIA.
I know we have to stop letting their cr@p affect us. We need to focus on the now and the goodness that really does exist around us and IN us. :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
A hug right back at ya afa (((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))) :-)
NG....maybe it is the holidays....
come on...lets go back to the blanket....its a little colder out now. We can break out the blue label to keep us warm :-) Come on. Its a clear sky, and the view is still beautiful. The castle behind us is in ruins, so no need to look there. (((( )))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I now see what drives you to expect bad news on Christmas. It's the past, though. Yes, the past may repeat itself, but maybe not. Do something different this year. You guys are going away for the holiday, right? Is he going to be there with you and the kids?
Thinking of you too Tori x
We are going away for holiday.....H is meeting us there. We will be with H's family (his sister is my best friend....just to make things more complicated of course), and we planned to spend the holidays together with our kids. H is coming.
The past is the past I agree. It just seems that (and I know I am not alone in thinking this) that what was once a joyous time of year, has become a period of time we just need to 'get through' . But, I will focus on the kids. This is their time now. Their memories that need to be created.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
