Do I Have a Chance?

[complicated]

I went out of town with D15 over the weekend. Didn't have much contact with H except for to inform him of games. H put up Christmas lights and stayed at house while we were gone. I helped him a little when I got home. He made a fire in the outdoor fireplace and we sat out there and talked a little, nothing in particular.

So he left early. I asked him if he wanted to make candy tonight, something we have been doing for years at Christmas, and he said he didn't know what was going on. I still get the feeling he doesn't want to spend time together. In one breath he talks about having a good time when we're together and thinks he wants to work on M, but then doesn't seem to want to stick around when he comes over.

I don't know what to make of this. At this point, since we have talked about reconciling, I don't know if I should still be keeping distance and not initiating or if I should be showing him that I do care about him.

I don't want to scare him away, but I do want him to realize that if he is going to move back I would like to do things together and I want to feel loved. I don't know if it is appropriate to talk about feelings yet or wait since there has been no solid plans made on moving back.

He kisses me goodbye when he leaves but that's about it. It is a little awkward. I'm never sure how it is going to be when he leaves, whether he will give me a kiss or not. I always get the feeling either he is waiting for me to say something or he is thinking of saying something. There is just that awkward moment.