whattya know? is h home for the 12 days yet-? is it going okay.
have you decorated? tree up? spirit okay?
i don't have much today- in a giant quandry about what the heck i am even doing here and still knowing this man
Nero - First, I'm so sorry I haven't written and just fell short of writing on my own thread.
No, my H hasn't started his 12 days home night and day yet, but the work is very slow keeping him home a lot more. It is going okay, he still leaves for night work, but I count on nothing!
My spirit for the holiday's is kinda shot, I don't have room for all that thinking about dinners and cookies, presents and lighting in my brain filled with the reality that I'm not were I want to be.
I will try today, D18 says no way are we not getting a tree, and I know I will feel bad if I don't make some of the treats they count on every year.
The best advise I have gotten repeatedly is to do nothing. There are no quick, or guaranteed answers to any of this. I have found that doing nothing somehow moves me forward into a natural direction at a speed I can mentally handle.
You are like me, "no sudden moves please" it rocks us to our core! So try to take this time he's gone, don't think about what he's doing, try to have a trigger thought that you can replace "h" thoughts with, something pleasant.
It gets easier as you practice...don't assume, don't think about his return, enjoy his absence. I know your alone, but at least you won't be going bonkers, and still be alone.
Your going to get past this, you know what to do for yourself, these days your smarter than when you first started. Your H [censored], yes were going to blame everything on him, he deserves it, but don't rethink your own history.
He [censored] now, when you were happy, you were happy and don't tarnish those memories or try to second guess what "he was really thinking''. You don't deserve to do that to yourself. Your not the one in MLC!
I will be back later, h is home, S24 needs heat in the back porch he decided to make a b-rm, and my D18 has a friends from Vegas over to go iceskating at lake Michigan winter festival. Nothing for me, but to organize their fun. YEa!
You got some good things to read here, should keep you busy!
((((((((nero)))))))))))
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
