Put your hands up; it's a wild ride

[leopoldstotch]

I'll continue to GAL. And try not to change my behavior too much. However, she's making it difficult to be consistent.

Continue doing what works.

-The cell logs show she had a 20 minute phone call with possible OM yesterday afternoon before I got home.
-
I'm torn how to proceed. Part of me wants to do everything to blow the likely affair wide open. The other part thinks I should let it go as-is since he's moving across the country in January...

Ok I'm going to echo what Denver said earlier. Where there is smoke there is fire. I don't think that it is apprpriate for a married woman to be talking to another man as much as your W does and it's really an issue if she doesn't tell you that she is talking to him. You don't have proof of an A so as Denver said keep monitoring. At some point if the two of you begin piecing you will have to bring up what you know about the pic and the calls but timing is everything and this is an issue that should not go unresolved. It will do you no good to just bury it you need the truth and if she says to did have an A (I really hope this is not the case) how are you prepared to handle this?

I'm not trying to rain on your parade but I want to honestly think about how that would affect you. Keep up the good work and remember to take it slow bud.

[someguy1233]

Last night W and I went to a concert. We both seemed to have a good time.

She was admittedly crabby when I got home from work to pick her up. I tried not to let her mood sway me. I continued being happy and sang with the radio, etc. she loosened up by the time we got to the concert.

At one point she commented on a name she liked. She said if she ever had another son she may want to name him that. I nodded. Then she looked and me and said, "well what do you think? Would you be ok with it?"

Another time I said a silly pickup phrase to her... It's a line she used to love. She smiled and said, "if you ever have to pickup a girl someday, that's the line to use. Say that and buy her a drink." I hated the idea and that she seemed ok with suggesting "another girl."

She said I seem solemn lately and that she loves it when I'm goofy, silly, and making jokes.



I learned that she now has her FB set so she has to approve any posts people make on her page... Seems suspicious.

Her phone was out and I saw another text from possible OM. It read "how did it go today?"

She snuggled me on the couch when we got home. She snuggled me in bed and kissed me three times and said "I love you"

When I woke this morning S was in bed with us. She said to S, "let's give dad a hug." S didn't move so she said, "well mom wants to give dad a hug" and she basically laid on top of me.

As I left for work I said goodbye. W said to S, "I guess Dad doesn't care to give his wife a kiss goodbye." I walked over and gave her a hug and a playful kiss...

Confused.

[someguy1233]

I'll continue to GAL. And try not to change my behavior too much. However, she's making it difficult to be consistent.

Continue doing what works.

-The cell logs show she had a 20 minute phone call with possible OM yesterday afternoon before I got home.
-
I'm torn how to proceed. Part of me wants to do everything to blow the likely affair wide open. The other part thinks I should let it go as-is since he's moving across the country in January...

Ok I'm going to echo what Denver said earlier. Where there is smoke there is fire. I don't think that it is apprpriate for a married woman to be talking to another man as much as your W does and it's really an issue if she doesn't tell you that she is talking to him. You don't have proof of an A so as Denver said keep monitoring. At some point if the two of you begin piecing you will have to bring up what you know about the pic and the calls but timing is everything and this is an issue that should not go unresolved. It will do you no good to just bury it you need the truth and if she says to did have an A (I really hope this is not the case) how are you prepared to handle this?

I'm not trying to rain on your parade but I want to honestly think about how that would affect you. Keep up the good work and remember to take it slow bud.

Thanks, Leo.

I continue to monitor. I don't know what else I expect to see. The behaviors has been consistent the last couple months.

I'm prepared to deal with A.... One last time. This would be the second, and last, that I would put myself through.

[someguy1233]

I think it's b/c you get dressed up and go out without her. GAL makes you less boring, in her opinion. I wouldn't say her A is over. She may be just checking to see if she can still work her little magic with you, IDK. But I don't think she's serious about the M. Maybe I misinterpret your writing.

I hope she has to work hard to get you back. If she can do it by simply changing her mind, then it won't last a month, if that long. I'm glad you didn't get all goosy and kept your cool....and I really glad you informed her there would be work to do. That was a good, strong step!

She seemed to be teasing, IMO. She's talking about how long it's been since ML, and she's cuddling up next to you and running her hands over you.....but once in bed she gives you a quick kiss and turns over to go to sleep. Maybe I'm being negative. Maybe she's doing baby-steps? No......I think she's teasing.

Stay strong my friend, and don't make the sex come too easy for her either. B/c if you cave into it too quickly, she will be her old cold self the next day!

If W tries to initiate ML, should I stop her cold? Do I ask her what her plans are to work on our marriage?

[someguy1233]

This roller coaster goes on...
Yesterday morning W showed caring in the morning. Hugs, kisses, etc.

I met with her stepdad, BIL, and brother yesterday for dinner. Just a quick guys out event. I had a good time.

When I got home it was immediately clear that something was bothering W. Her rings were back off. I made a joke. She didn't laugh. I said, "I'm funny dammit!" with a smile. She said, "You are. That's one of the many things I love about you." It sounded insincere.

We went to bed and she barely touched me. She held onto my thumb for a couple minutes. No kisses. No "I love you." These two were meaningful the last few nights. They used to be a routine. Before BD we didn't go to bed without saying ILY and kissing.

She barely spoke a word to me this morning. I tested the waters by tapping her butt with my lunch bag as I walked by. Something that would get a response on a "good day." It received ZERO response.

I hate that on Saturday she said she wanted to stay married. But by Wednesday she's acting this way.

I feel angry, hurt, and sad. I guess I obviously got my hopes up. It's like my emotions are back to the 2nd week after BD. The feelings are very similar.

I guess I need to continue to detach. I just don't know how.

[someguy1233]

I'm wondering if I messed up...

W went out with a highschool friend last night. She came home and basically jumped me. We ML for the first time in two months. I couldn't resist. Afterwards she told me numerous times that she loved me. She said "thank you for being so awesome." I asked what brought this on and she said the mood hit her and she had a husband that probably wanted to. She said it was time to address the "elephant in the room." She said "thanks for cheering me up."

She said she was supposed to meet up with some ex-coworkers after after meeting the highschool friend, but they ditched her.

She was crying a little. She said it was because of the hard adjustment to staying home with S. She said it's hard feeling like she isn't contributing to society. I told her I totally understood and that it must be a huge adjustment. I told her I've noticed the clean house, dishes & laundry being done, and appreciate her taking care of these things.

This morning her phone was upside down again.... She gave me a hug and kiss as I left and said "I love you."

[someguy1233]

I guess I'm officially still on the ride.

W has gone back to being distant. For the most part she's short and crabby. She took her rings back off again. She avoids physical contact again.

We did a P90x workout this morning. I'm in pain! I rarely work out, but she asked if I wanted to join her.

Today marks the two month anniversary of the most recent BD. I'm thinking about personal growth over the last two months.
I'm less angry. When anger hits, it fades much quicker than it used to.
I don't feel hopeless anymore. I feel sad about the possible loss of W, but I no longer feel like my whole world is falling apart.
I started playing guitar again.
I see friends more often, but still not often enough.
I stopped talking about my sitch to others so often.
I've learned more about friendships and how people may perceive me. I'm working on being a better friend for others.

[someguy1233]

The weekend was ok…

I realize a lot of my posts document my W’s actions. I know I’m not supposed to fixate on these, and I try not to. But I feel like I’m in such a limbo-land that I have NO IDEA where W stands. These actions give me some sort of peek into what she’s feeling, even just at a moment…

Friday
Friday during dinner W was playing with her phone. I apparently unconsciously gave her a look. She said, “Why do you ALWAYS make that face? Your face is always disappointed or suspicious. Why don’t you choose another emotion. Try happy, loving, funny, sad, smiling, whatever. But stop making that face.” I guess my as-if attempts aren’t as good lately. I think part of that could be because we spend so much time together lately. It’s really difficult to not let my mind wander back to what’s going on.

Later when we stepped out for a smoke, W brought up ML the night before. She said, “Do you like it when I just show up demanding it?”
I said, “Yes, it’s one of my favorites.”
W, “Hmmm… when was the last time that happened?”
Me, “A long time ago.”
W, “Yeah…. I just wanted to feel loved.”

When we went to bed she didn’t touch me. She didn’t say “I love you.” Nothing.

Saturday
She seemed on edge. I tried not to let it bother me and spent a lot of time playing with S.
We spent the day together… not much going on. W and I hung out with S.
Again, when we went to bed she didn’t touch me. She didn’t say “I love you.” Nothing.

Sunday
She seemed to be in a better mood. She kissed me lightly on two separate occasions. She also gave me a giant hug on another occasion.
When we went to bed she said, “Good night. I love you. I’d snuggle you, but I’m in a warm spot of the bed.”
I responded with a laugh, “That’s a load of sh!t!”
W, “Why? You come snuggle me. I’m always the one that has to initiate the snuggles.”
I moved a little closer and she held me.
S woke in the night and W was getting very frustrated. He's been sleeping poorly lately. I used to get angry when she got real frustrated. Instead of getting angry with her, I empathized. When she got back into bed she held my hand.


I’m at a loss here and could really use some advice. Should I be initiate physical contact with her? I try playful touches, etc. occasionally around the house. Most of the time she’s unresponsive (before BD she would respond), so I figure they’re unwelcome. I haven’t initiated snuggling, ML, etc since BD. I don’t say “I love you” first. But last night she seemed open to me doing this. I guess I’m afraid that 1) I could do it at a time when it isn’t welcome and push her away. 2) It shows her that I’m still sitting here waiting for her. Thoughts?

[someguy1233]

S went to daycare today because W had a job interview. It was postponed at the last minute. FB shows she spent the afternoon drinking again.

She said she was going to still pick up S, knowing I had a call for work at 7PM. She called stating she couldn't make it. Traffic was horrible so she was going to stop at a bar and wait 30 minutes or so for rush hour to subside and then come home. I had to pickup the pieces and scramble to get S dinner before my call. Her parents came over to help with S while I worked.

That was the last I heard from her. She just got home at 10.30pm. She's sleeping on the couch despite knowing I'm awake. I've noticed a pattern... When she's out with her coworkers (now excoworkers) she sleeps on the couch. Call me a mind reader, but it's probably because she was with OM doing god knows what and won't sleep next to me afterwards.

I'm starting to think I'm a fool. She had a previous affair less than a year into our marriage. When we were dating there were numerous OM that coincided with our needing to "take a break." There were times where she'd be dating someone else and would cheat on them with me. I always told myself it was because she wanted to be with me but I couldn't give her the commitment she wanted. Perhaps I'm the fool and she's never been faithful in her life.

The last few days I've really been wondering if I should just force myself to end this. I don't know if she's ever going to be capable of being in a committed relationship. I'm still young and I deserve better... It would be a long lonely road, but eventually I'd get there.

[someguy1233]

This morning she asked if I was mad. I just looked at her and said, “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

She said she met some old business man at the bar and talked with him for hours. It could be a legit story… I know she loves talking with travelers and hearing people’s stories. However, her sleeping on the couch seems suspect.

I told her I’ve asked MANY times to keep me updated when she’s going to be out late. I told her I even asked her to updated me when we spoke on the phone last night. She quickly responded, “I’ve told you that you can call or text me for an update.” I didn’t respond. I felt like she was flipping it back on me.