Tori, As I read your comment, a knot developed in my stomach due to my shame and embarrassment of discussing this. She continued to be somewhat withdrawn and lightly talkative the remainder of the night. She did choose to sleep in our bed (part of me thought she'd go upstairs), but we didn't not cuddle / snuggle. She kept to her side.
LaBug, I agree and logically I "now" see that. It's in the moments that I drive myself crazy. I will have to try your strategy of naming the problem and possible outcomes.
My initial boundary of NC is if / when she wants to work on the R. THe consquence of him being a friend on FB was not sleeping in the same bed. I upheld that and so did she. She has a loophole as she's not 100% committed to us. Honestly, I don't know of the consequence due to the ambiguity of the current sich. I'll have to start thinking of my individual boundaries and what I want. Thank you for the starting point Bug.
