New to the forum, WAH 10/3/12

[notsurewhat2do]

Today H initated contact again. NOT ME! Aren't you guys proud! I haven't initated contact in about 2 weeks (or maybe longer). I haven't actually seen H since the weekend after Thanksgiving either. It seems he text for something about every 2 - 4 days. Today it was concerning Christmas presents for DD and then I asked about halfing some stuff I got DD for winter formal and then dr bills for DD. We texted for a few minutes about DD wanting belly button pierced (we agree no) and then her school is requiring all 9-12 graders to get iPads next year and my parents are buying it, but I asked H if he wanted to 1/3 it with us. Just basically talk concerning DD.
She has seen him in a week either. She had plans last week and doesn't change her plans to see him... which I think is fitting. I let them work all that out, I don't get involved. She told me he was picking her up from school today. Which is fine, I need to do some Xmas shopping!

AND, I'm making changes around the house. We remodeled our first floor about 5 years ago. I didn't hang anything behind my couch wanting just the perfect thing, well now I'm tired of having an empty spot. So I'm buying and hanging some stuff (I got an unexpected Christmas gift from previous employee $$). Making plans to do the same thing over my buffet, one of my gifts from my parents are bushes for my landscaping to finish it, and then I'm going to make a headboard for my bed. Just a few things because I CAN DO it on my own!

I woke up crying this morning because it was the first time I've dreamed of him since he left (that I remember). It was sad, but then I gathered myself and told myself I WAS going to have a good day. Then I think about all the lies he's told me and I get a tiny bit mad and I'm better!

I still wonder daily how you can just switch off your feelings for someone. How you can say vow to love someone forever and then choose not to. I struggle with that daily. I know I'll never have the answers I want, but eventually hopefully I'll have closure.