trying to save my marriage Phase 2

[notsurewhat2do]

What is a MDA and PP?
You H moved in with OW the same day mine did
I'm a bit stuck with the whole birthday thing. I don't think I would be uncomfortable. I would go and be happy and upbeat for my daughter. So he can see this is what his life is and what he is throwing away. I've talked more to his mom than he has in 3 months. He still hasn't even told her that he's living with OW - she heard it from me. I'm still keeping somewhat distant with her, not telling anything if she doesn't ask, blood is thicker than water afterall.
Our friends find it awkward, some have stopped talking to me, some are "egging him on" basically saying what he wants to hear and not what he needs to hear.
What is your husband saying and doing? How has it been for you since he moved out?

It has been h*ll for me, but I'm GALing. Like Friday night, I hosted a "dessert" party for friends. See, every Christmas H and I would get together with a group of about 10 friends and go to dinner. H and I were "founding" friends and probably came up with the idea instead of exchanging presents, etc. We've been doing it at least 18 years. The group has been anywhere from 20 people to 10 people. So Friday the group of 10 went and I invited them over after for dessert. I just couldn't go, but wanted to see them. There were 6 that came to the house. It was nice and they all said I had to go next year for sure (I'm sure I will next year). I even posted on FB that I was glad they came and saw me and I enjoyed the time, that way H would see that I'm not sitting at home and pinning for him.

I'm sure there are a few of his friends that are neutral and don't want to get involved, but most are mad and will tell him exactly what they think. He just doesn't associate with them because he doesn't want to hear it. To him, what is done is done.

I'll admit, the first 6 weeks were really bad, especially Thanksgiving. It is a little better now, but I still replay all the lies that H told me and how stupid I was for falling for them. And even now, the lies that he continues to tell me. I'm almost to the point, that if H did happen to want to come back, that I'm not sure I could forget them. I THINK I could forgive OW, but the lies and lack of believing anything he says would make it almost too hard. I would second guess EVERYTHING he said to me. I love him and in my heart I'm not ready for divorce, so I'm doing nothing but sitting on papers (MDA is Marital Disolution Act and PP is Parenting Plan - basically what you need to get divorce, they are signed, but not filed with the state yet). But I'm also getting to the point that I need to start living like he is not ever coming home.

H contacts me about every two or three days for something related to DD or bills. I have completely stopped initating any contact. This morning we have been talking about Christmas, dr bills for DD, and DD's winter formal. Basically money stuff (and DD wants belly button ring and how we agree NO!)

From experience, H knows what he is missing. He didn't see DD at all last week because she was too busy to see him. She wanted to do what 15 year olds do. And I was okay with it. I think she feels like he doesn't make time for her, so she's not going to make time for him. I don't worry about their relationship anymore. Although it makes me sad that he is choosing OW over DD, but she knows it and can handle it herself. I do feel alittle bad because she plays the "buy me this cause Mom doesn't have the money too trip", but hey, I feel like he owes her, he's turned her happy life completely upside down.

I PRAY everday that God do His will, that He help me through the day, that He make his desires crystal clear. I always feel better after praying. I don't know what your religious feelings are, but just being about to say what you want outloud is nice. I feel like all my friends want me to move on and forget H, but I can't yet. I have to feel like I tried everything and did everything possilble to save my family. So, if that means, DR/DBing for 6 months, then that's what I'll do and I'll pray everyday the same prayer. That God will help me, soften H's heart and help him see what we mean to him and help me forgive H and what he has done. (It's a long prayer, usually in the shower!)I pray that D is good and that she doesn't let this jade her view on marriage and men (one of my biggest fears).

To answer the question about D not being allowed to H's with OW present:

My DD is 15 and I'm not allowing her to spend the night with H with OW present either. And I'm not alone with my decision. I've heard of plenty of mothers doing/saying the same things. In my case, DD know what H is doing is wrong, very wrong. He is married, OW should not be living with him. BUT, for me its morals. It is morally & bibically wrong to be living with/sleeping with someone while you are married. I feel like if I let DD go over there, I am condoning what they are doing. I want my DD raised better than that. AND when H left, he knew how I felt. He is choosing OW over his DD. To me, that's wrong also, so it makes me dig in even further. PLUS, DD doesn't want to be around OW ... but like I said, she is 15 and can basically make up her own mind. If H and OW are together for a while, DD will eventually be around them, but again, she can make up her own mind and she knows how I feel.