W filed, I think we can make it work - what to do?

[mamabird]

She said she didn't believe people can change when they aren't compatible

Boy have I heard that one. It's such a frustrating response. IMO it's a way for the WAS to "corner" you - when they say that, you don't have much of a comeback. You can't say "But we are compatible!" because obviously you wouldn't be in this mess if things were great.

I told her I felt many of our issues stem from our different communication styles. Said I felt rather then communicating effectively and understanding each others point of view we projected what the other's motives were and as things got bad over the years the projected motives got worse.

This was really insightful and a great thing to say - doesn't put the blame on anyone and tees up the situation for change. Communication is something everyone can work on. You got through to her and she agreed to try to communicate with you better! Rock on Spartan!

I know these R talks can be awful. It feels like swimming upstream in Class 5 rapids. Good for you for staying calm and working on getting your point across.

I think we all have to get to a more detached point where we not only FEEL like we could move on and it would be ok, but our WAS's start to realize that too.