So here's my story Part 3

[labug]

Well, I could have honestly done nothing. That would have prevented the mess that I've started. I could have phoned a friend, albeit late, to simply talk. I could have posted here. I did try reading, but it didn't help.

You were obsessing, and causing yourself pain. For some reason we think that if we cause ourselves pain about some "thing" that may happen, it will make things easier or we can solve the problem when the actual thing (whatever that is) happens.

But as you found, that doesn't work. You drove yourself to a frenzy and then overreacted to a small problem. You could do all those things you mentioned but you still have the problem of inflicting this pain on yourself when in an uncertain situation.

When this comes up again, think. Name the problem: Wife Is Out Late. Outcomes and affect on you: She's with friends (OK) She's with OM (unhappy) She's been in an accident (unhappy) She's on her way home right now (OK) Any of these have a chance of being correct along with other possibilities.

And here's the kicker, we have no control which it actually is, so why obsess about those that cause pain. Let it go. This has very little to do with what our S is doing but has a lot to do with how we let our minds get out of control. We react from a primitive place instead of responding from our higher brain.

You're obsessing about something that's taking place in your mind so you can also turn that around and train yourself to NOT obsess over things over which you have no control.

Boundaries with W? The main one that is in place is OM not bring a FB friend. I've said NC, but she's still texting him.

(())so it wasn't really a boundary. Do you want it to be? What was the consequence?

Other than that I can't think of any other specific boundaries. There have been R expectations such as sharing in finances and housework, but those arent the kind of boundaries we are talking about right? I obviously need a little guidance in developing more for my own protection....where do I start? :S

Where you start is "Who is Andrew?" Who do you want to be as a father, a husband, a member of society? Have that vision of yourself and project it to the world.

And that's where your boundaries come from, those things that are non-negotiable in your soul.