I've managed to get somewhere - finally.
I think I may have handled an awful sitch with stbx along proper DB lines - after all this time!

Didn't react with my emotions, just listened and accepted what he had to say.

After nc with the kids from him over the weekend, he rang a few mins before school pick-up time to ask if he could collect the kids from school today.

I told him (again - he has significant memory problems) that S13 had finished school last week but that D16 would be finished at 3.30pm.

I got home from work as he was dropping her off.
STBX stood on the verandah and asked to speak to me for a minute (he would not come in). Always makes my stomach churn. And sure enough, he started.

He seemed very angry. Said he had decided not to continue with mediation any more as it was 'a waste of time' and very expensive (at $15-$20 a session!). Later in the conversation, when he got more upset, he said it was because i could not find a time that suited me to go to the next session in available timeslots on offer before Xmas.

Said he would be taking me to court instead.

I said "OK".

Then he announced that he would be applying for 50% custody of the kids.

I said "OK".

(Background is that he has NEVER even mentioned wanting to have the kids at any point in this whole process over the last 16 months).

Then he started in on how he thought that i was a bad influence on the children and he brought up the recent event at D16's school that OW attended (where i told her what i thought of her behaviour).
He said someone who did that in front of the children should not have custody of them.
I slipped up a little here and pointed out that i only whispered my opinion in her ear and that no-one else had heard, but he started shouting that i was trying to justify appalling behaviour, so i quickly shut up, realising the futility of trying to resist him on this.

He then stalked off incredibly upset and jumped in his car. I went inside and 1 minute later his car reversed back down the street and he was back at the door. He said he wanted to speak to the kids so I asked him in. He said "No, they need to come outside to talk to me". D16 started to go out, but S14 called out to say he was busy looking after the dogs.
I said "It's Ok, I'll look after them".
But stbx shouted "Don't bother" to S14, and stomped off to his car.

I think it must be that Christmas is getting to him.

That, and the thought that his daily fix of 10 mins worth of seeing the kids when he picks them up from school is now over until they go back to school in Feb. That is, i think he's starting to miss them badly. He's seen them very little lately and we have been GAL whenever he does call. He hasn't been to any of the end-of-year school events or any of the kids' sport this term.

He is also increasingly financially pressured I think.

He seems to be at some sort of breaking point.

Seems to have really flipped if he thinks court is going to be cheaper than mediation.

And his reason for stopping mediation - that i can't fit into the few available appointment times before Xmas.

And concerning custody - he lives in an (at most) 2-bedroom apartment with OW.

So, 2 teenagers and him and OW in there, unless they buy a new house (with what contribution from him?) - and the kids have told him they want nothing to do with OW at all.

Anyway, for the first time in all of this I simply listened and accepted what he had to say.
I don't feel particularly threatened, nor anxious. Just 'que sera' more than anything - bring it on, if that's what you want.

I must be detaching for real.

I cannot imagine what sort of hellish confusion he's going through. He is really flailing.