My wife wants to separate

[Grocerykartman]

Make sure to follow Cadet's advice, post in small, frequent amounts so you get off of moderation. Ironically, when someone first gets here they need answers more quickly than at any other point of this lousy journey. Unfortunately, a couple years ago, as is the case with any walk of life, they were a few folks who ruined it for the many with some of the stuff they were posting, so your posts will be on moderation for a short while yet and won't show up right away.

Anyway, yes, until you get some input from others whose spouses are still living with them, all I can offer you is this: My daughter was also 3 when this happened to me. Not sure if yours is a young 3, mid 3, or almost 4, but one thing I found most ironic was that when all this started, my daughter was too young to really go anyplace or offer much in the way of conversation or attention span. So I'd been in the pattern of "not doing anything" because I always thought, "well, how much can I do? Can't take D much of anywhere."

But somewhere around 3 and half going on 4, I could at least take my daughter a whole lot of new places and the million and one questions would start about everything. Even a simple trip to the hardware store or a wild bird store becomes a great way to spend your time. So for starters, you will soon see (if you haven't already) an opportunity to really accelerate the activities and learning experiences you have with your daughter. This will keep you smiling and is the healthiest distraction possible to what your wife is doing. Putting a lot of positive energy into doing things with your daughter is very theraputic.

Of course, this still doesn't really qualify as GALing, it just gives you much more to do and look forward to and like I said a distraction from your wife's actions. So with regard to you, you have every right to join some group or volunteer for something. But I think it will work best if you join something that you truly have always wanted to or were previously involved in and just lost touch with. Your heart has to be truly into it or it will probably just come off as a tactic. What kinds of things would you like to get into?

Its very confusing. It is like she wants to live a double life! Or maybe until I get my act together. Or maybe not? I don't know anymore!

Difficult as this may sound, I say to you don't worry about it. Don't worry about what she's thinking, because I doubt she knows what she's thinking right now. Just worry about you and what you're thinking. That's what is meant by detaching. Detaching is not ignoring her, or not being nice to her, it's living your life not worrying about what she's gonna do or what she thinks.