I think my fight might be over. I have been working on my 180's and things seemed to be leveling off slightly, when the inevitble happened. My wife found out that I confronted the OM and had been speaking with her friends.
Well it's a huge setback to be sure. Basically you're starting over again. Whatever trust you may have built up is now gone. You ask if you should continue your 180's, of course you should because they are for YOU. DB'ing is all about improving yourself so that you are a better person whether you reconcile or not. And there is still a chance of reconciliation, but it's going to take many months or work.
Here are some things I posted to you a couple of pages back, I'm pasting it here not as an "I told you so" but to help you realize what your wife is thinking right now:
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Originally Posted By: suckerpunch
I asked him to do it in a way that hopefully leaves me out of the equation. He said he would come up with a solution, and he did not want to add any stress to our situation. He wants his own wife back, and he wants me to have mine. I am placing a lot of trust in him. I hope it doesn't come back to bite me.
Of course it will. This is just setting up for disaster. Your W will find out what you're doing at some point, and she will say "yup, he's the same controlling, manipulative person he's always been, I don't know why I thought he could change." Your best course of action right now is to back away from this. Quit talking to the guy.
Originally Posted By: suckerpunch
I also gathered some information from a close friend of my wife and I. He spoke with her, and he feels the situation is basically what I suspected.
This could also be harmful, because since this is a mutual friend it WILL get back to your W that you were fishing for info. More controlling behavior. It is OK to talk to mutual friends, but NOT about the R. Talk to them about how great you are doing, what your GAL activities are, how good you feel and how much fun you're having. THAT is the kind of info you want getting back to your W, not that you're sad, lonely, depressed and pumping everyone you know for little rays of hope. The former will make your W realize you're detaching and she may very well start worrying she'll lose you. The latter will just reaffirm her belief that leaving you is the right thing to do.
So the bottom line is she thought you were controlling and manipulative before, and now these actions make her feel she was right. So where you go from here is to do the OPPOSITE of controlling and manipulative. Think about what that means in your sitch, and post it here so we can help you verify your course of action is correct. Part of your answer is in my post copied in above- when you talk to friends and family you focus on YOU and our GAL activities, NOT your W and NOT your M or R.
