My wife wants to separate

[SM34]

The comment i made about friends wanting things I guess is old news. Back in college i had a nice car and allowance from my parents so many of my buddies just seemed to want to tag. I had a crew of three guy friends that stuck with me out of college and then over the years I have lost contact with them, one by one. The last few years ALL my friends are actually my wife's friends or somehow through people she knew. See I didn't grow up in the USA, I moved here to go to college. So I dont have a million high school friends like she does, since she went to high school just 2 miles from our house!

So getting a life is hard now because I don't want to see any of her friends in case they know what is going on. I don't want to be asked what is going on when I myself am not sure. So, I need to sign up for some kind of fun classes or start volunteering (something I have wanted to do for a long time) and meet more people.

to answer your other question, she has wanted to break up with me before we were married pretty much for the same reason she has now. She has had this constant feeling that 'what if' we were not together .......'what is the grass is greeener'..... Last time it ended I relationship we were much younger and in our mid twenties. I gave her some space to think but i also seduced and woed her back to me shortly after. Her girlfriends and her mother and father were teling her he is a catch and don't let him get away. I now realize that I should have let her go back then, and seen if she came back to me on her own. I guess she has never gotten it out of her system.

I was the first man she has ever slept with, and the only until 2 weeks ago. It hurts that she had to throw away something that special! I always took pride in being the only one who has 'been there'. But, I am at peace with what she is doing because I think it is long over due. When she dropped the bomb she told me I need 6 months to find myself and figure out if this marriage is right. And if it is, our relationship will be sooo much stronger. I just think that jumping into something with someone so quickly was not the way to discover yourself! Although it may actually work in my favor since the dynamic of how her life will be with him was not thought out very well.

Once she realizes he is not going to assume any of her financial liability, which is already seeming to be happening, she will know what has gone wrong. Like i mentioned he lives an hour and half away and so she has needed a lot of gas money to go to see him. So yesterday I said casually in a loving way, 'Hey didn't he say he would do whatever it takes? WE cannot afford all this gas so I think he should be helping you pay for it if he wants you to come to see you. She didnt say anything in response but I could tell that she thought it would be akward to ask a guy she has only been seeing for 2 weeks for gas money. But he told her he would do whatever it takes, so he should honor that. If he doesn't this could be over sooner rather than later. Because she may just realize that he's blowing smoke up her skirt as her mother says!

Today we took our daughter to the park to play. We had a nice time with my daughter but I made her start conversation first, and she seemed to be trying hard to keep the dialogue running. Not looking at signs this early obviously but she is a very intelligent woman and can usually spot a bad situation. I just think in this case the OM is giving her so many compliments and so much attention (more than I have) that she is blinded.

But i definitely need some pointers from anyone out there who has a wife that lives with him because of having young children. How can you detach without seeming like an A-hole? Obviously the advantage of her living with me is she can see all the changes I am making.

to answer your question was there other things she complained about other than sex? There is this one thing that she blurted out during the anger days following the bomb. She kept saying you just never finish any projects you start, that drives me crazy! See she is an interior designer and has a business of her own although she has only had two projects. So, when we have something going on at home like a light fixture that needs a new bulb, or like we have a leaking toilet etc.... She hates that I dont take care of these things IMMEDIATELY. I am not as handy as she would like me to be in terms of fixing things around the house. So every time she is spending the night at OM house, I have taken care of and finished one of the half finished repair jobs in our house, after I put my daughter to bed. She has noticed and has complimented but I just acted like it is no big deal. I have not pointed it out to her though.

Something else that happened that was strange was that i got the test results back from the GP and my testosterone is fine, but the problem seems to be Vitamin D deficiency. Without vitamin D you might have low sex drive. So the GP has recommended getting sun as much as possible with work and all, and also taking a vitamin supplement. So the other day she asked me 'have you been taking the vitamins like the dr told you?'. I said yes, but I was wondering why she would care about my sex drive if she has moved on?

Again, I need input from someone with the same living situation. My wife still cares for me and our daughter so she is hard to read. I think she still feels like we are a family and so she does all the dishes, laundry, cleaning and even makes me a dinner that I can warm up while she is good. Its very confusing. It is like she wants to live a double life! Or maybe until I get my act together. Or maybe not? I don't know anymore!


It takes forever to get responses on this board. Thats hard when things are changing so quickly and you need everyone's input.