I really like your card, DM45. In fact, it all sounds great though I would omit this bit:
Originally Posted By: Dm45
I've always strived to be thoughtful and kind on special days, and I don't plan on stopping that. I'm sorry It makes you uncomfortable.
If something makes her uncomfortable then the thoughtful and kind thing would be to stop it. Also, it makes you sound a bit full of yourself. You don't want to blow you own trumpet.
I hope it goes really well for you. You sound really well prepared.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
If something makes her uncomfortable then the thoughtful and kind thing would be to stop it. Also, it makes you sound a bit full of yourself. You don't want to blow you own trumpet.
You have a good point there. Luckily overall everything was very positive.
Quote:
What happened to, To W, today is a day to remember ??
that was what I texted on Friday, our actual anniversary. She knew about dinner, just not the show or gift.
A recap: 1st, the most dangerous territory was the first few minutes on the way to shopping...W asked how late we would be with dinner. I said I had a reservation for 8. She made a slightly big deal about why so late. I sensed she had plans because 8 has never been late for us before and asked. Turns out her office party was also tonight. I went in to this prepared to drop the date portion, so immediately offered to eat earlier at a different place and get her back in time to go. I know this was a 180 for me. The old me would have pouted or manipulated her in to going. At this point she didn't know the "reservation" was actually tickets to the show. She started trying to wheedle out of me where we were going, as she always does, and when she learned it was a place we had never been, she forgot about the office party. She's always loved my surprises.
Shopping was as great as it can be with two people who don't really enjoy it. I paid for everything with money earned from side job. Well, she actually got ahead of me and swiped her card at one store, but I slipped a couple of bills into the side of her (little thing I'm not sure if it's a wallet or purse) to replace it.
I still did too much attempted mind reading, reading too much into nuances of things she said, ie I saw a sofa I liked at a good price. Not in the market for one but it crossed our path. Her comments about it were You not We. Didn't like that very much but didn't show it.
We ended up with 4 hours to kill before the show. Nightmare in the making. We drove in to DC, saw the national Christmas tree, etc...talking about plans for Christmas...another can of worms...we peeked in but didn't open it all the way...
She mentioned her C session during this time. C says W is depressed. Her MD prescribed AD weeks ago but she didn't fill. She's going to do it now.
Ate at quaint Italian restaurant and went to club.
25, you were right! This was a bonding experience! Paul Mecurio was hilarious. W was a little uptight about the crowd at first (never seen her like that, offered to take her home) but once he started the W that I miss was back. She has a maniacal laugh that I love to hear. BTW, your warning about the front row: LOL not with Mecurio, he was all over the room talking to people, no one was safe!
After the show W raved all the way back to the car how much fun, how she's always wanted to do that, etc...
I gave her the gift and card, she loved it, said it was sweet.
On the way home we talked about the depression a bit, no real R talk, she is a nurse though and know a lot more than me about the medical side.
When I dropped her off at MIL where we met, again lots of thanks, a huge hug from her. As we started to separate i said "i dont want to let go" she said "i know", then she nuzzled her face against my neck. I said something like "I want you to get yourself better" she said "I KNOW" I said Soon! She said I'm getting the medicine which pharmacy is open on Sunday?
Lots of good here. Lots to be thankful for. Another small step. At one point on Friday I was ready to chicken out of this whole night. I'm glad I didn't.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
well all in all, I'd say you had a bunch of baby steps!
Like what we call, a VICTORY...well done!
Of course she may pull back or feel confused by the good feelings, but that's okay! B/c what you just did was to create a good memory which is recent, and new,
so don't revert to pouting or sulking if this "high" doesn't last. You planted some good seeds! And don't push for too much right now, (the hug AND the "I don't want to let go" was a bit much...) Let the bonding solidify some more.
Relax, be relaxed, (don't fix her depression either--my MD told me that 90% of women on ADs have critical spouses, btw)
but just let her see that you are a good FUN catch, that you bring things to the table no other man can, and be at peace.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
(the hug AND the "I don't want to let go" was a bit much...)
You think? It was HER hug. It was almost like our goodbyes when dating, not really wanting to separate, but knowing we had to get to work, school, etc... Only now the only reason to separate is this rift between us.
I think, I feel, I hope I am getting back in tune with her emotions somehow through this process...not concentrating on what I want the outcome to be clears the fog about where she is emotionally.
I know I can't be "there" yet...but I felt the "vibe" from her in that moment.
Don't want to be wrong, though, and scare her away...
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
But anyhow, big picture is - you made progress. It's not a linear process--neither is reconciling.
So we can expect lateral moves and backslides alng the way, but as long as the path is forward, in general, it IS progress.
Kudos!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So, 25, She texted me another thank youths morning, saying she had a nice time and was surprised.
I texted back I had a great time, too, that I love surprising her and she loves My surprises.
She said haha true
I then told her i was already working on the Next surprise.
She sent back a
I want to make it a new years outing, what do you think?
Already have 2 ideas, really looking for how strong, how soon do I ask?
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
On Saturday she asked if I was getting a Christmas tree. I said yes. She said "make sure you take care of my stuff, you know how much I love that" meaning she does love this season and decorating. I asked her if I had a tree trimming party for her and kids if she would come. She said yes.
Talking with S16 today we had the idea: Tree trimming, home cooked meal & cookies, go see Hobbit. We don't go to movies much as entire family but always do during Christmas. (I will be cooking...pretty good at it)
Thinking it will do her some good re:relationship rebuilding? (and the rest of us, too)
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
On Saturday she asked if I was getting a Christmas tree. I said yes. She said "make sure you take care of my stuff, you know how much I love that" meaning she does love this season and decorating. I asked her if I had a tree trimming party for her and kids if she would come. She said yes. Talking with S16 today we had the idea: Tree trimming, home cooked meal & cookies, go see Hobbit. We don't go to movies much as entire family but always do during Christmas. (I will be cooking...pretty good at it)
Thinking it will do her some good re:relationship rebuilding? (and the rest of us, too)
Well I think it's a safe idea, given HER comments and given that it's a family thing anyhow.
Others may disagree. My fear is YOU are putting too many expectations on things.'
You were not the guy she needed, for a lot longer than you've been this new guy,
so take it slow. Let HER feel the trust building and NOT have you push for it, okay?
So, as long as no expectations attach and you are JUST trying to have a nice family night,
then I say go for it. But enough with the pursuing comments. She SEEMS receptive but that can change on a dime
and the kids need to be relaxed enough so they do not think "OH all is well now? Are we supposed to PRETEND??"
B/c they won't.
So make sure ALL parties know this is just a nice family tradition you're keeping up. Let the kids learn forgiveness by watching the both of YOU giving it to each other. Do NOT let them disrespect her, at all...that hurts the cause all the way around & it is your job to protect her, which she has not felt from you in a long time.
Sometime down the road, SHE can work on repairing the r's without YOU involved in any way.
Not your problem to fix. You have enough on your plate, right?
Okay so, good luck! This sounds good.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So, 25, She texted me another thank youths morning, saying she had a nice time and was surprised.
I texted back I had a great time, too, that I love surprising her and she loves My surprises.
She said haha true
I then told her i was already working on the Next surprise.
She sent back a
I want to make it a new years outing, what do you think?
Already have 2 ideas, really looking for how strong, how soon do I ask?
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
