Ad, I know I've said before how much I wish I had some of your coping skills, some of your approach to life, but unfortunately, I'm more like your H. I can completely relate to the issue with the dog poop, and I don't mean figuratively. When your kids say they want a hamster and promise to take care of it, a practical parent knows better. But when your spouse commits to something, isn't it reasonable to expect them to do what they said they would? Especially in regard to something that is "in their face" every day, like a dog? My H has always had the same attitude, that if I just "tell" him he needs to do it, then he will and in his mind, everything is fine. For me, it isn't. Far from it. Because then instead of feeling like I'm married to a partner that I can count on to do what he said, I feel like I have another irresponsible child that I have to play mommy to and tell him to do his chores. A one-time thing is different. But something like picking up the dog poop? That should be part of a regular routine, and reasonably at least once a week, I think. Besides, when he goes out into the yard to do his work and you're gone, telling you becomes rather irrelevant. For me and possibly for your H, it isn't nearly the issue of the dog poop as it is the dependability on the other person, which in a way translates to respect since your commitment was made to him.
The other side of this for me, and possibly for your H, is that I start to categorically define H by his irresponsibility. So anytime we look to do something together, or plan for the future, my thoughts are always, "That's sounds good, BUT..." In the case of you getting your new dog, H probably already assumed you weren't going to pick up the poop. Since he knows he's leaving, it wasn't worth the fight. If he were staying M'd to you, it means he either has to be the "bad guy" and say no, or be the "parent" in the relationship and remind you, or deal with even more poop. Lose-lose for him.
You're working on a ton of stuff so I don't want to bring you down with this, but just wanted to offer another perspective. It just struck me that your solution to your not doing what you committed to was for your H to point it out to you. Being on other side of that? That is not an inviting arrangement.
