heeeeelllllppp!!

[25yearsmlc]

nice post 2step, and welcome back.

To echo one thing 2step said, yes we all made mistakes. I had a lot of trouble with the concept of "fairness not mattering" b/c to me, that was about justice.
OR so I told myself. Sometimes it was really about me wanting to punish or teach my h "a lesson".

But my need to be "right" was not working! It was not helping our marriage. So I had to take steps towards my h that I did not think he "deserved"...and then I had to let go of the idea that it was about who deserved what.

I wanted to save my m, if I could. I needed to become a happier woman, if I could. Being "right" was NOT more important than being happy.

The two goals were intertwined, but my being happy regardless of the marriage, was something I put ahead of all else,

b/c there is no way to save a marriage if you are miserable inside.

And being happy IS a worthy goal.

Finally, reconciling is a great thing.

BUT it's not as if DBing was the only thing I did to make this happen. Dbing was part of a multi pronged approach to my situation.

THere were more than marriage problems to deal with, and that is clearly the case w/you here.

I had a great therapist, and a good priest to talk with. I GAL BIG TIME...which is key. I worked the program as thoroughly as I could.

I read everything I could and I used the time away from my h to work on myself.

I did a LOT of introspection about how I wanted to live my life and who I had become and who I wanted to be. I changed. I learned to forgive, which was something I had not seen growing up. It's a big important gift to learn.


DBing was key b/c it's a different, solution based approach, and that's way more successful for my type of situation than other "history re-hashing" can be.