Stuck between a hard place and the biggest rock.

[Big Bruce]

First I want to apologize for my English, I have the double handicap of not speaking my W's language properly and having a whole set of different culture to overcome.

Just b/c you might have him alone for a day, or 5, does not mean you want that long term. IT may well just be a tactic. I don't know.

Well, it is the continuation of the "asking more time with my son" thing.
Granted, those many days all of a sudden, might seem like a manipulation, a shock or something, so I'll try to not be too rigid on the demand.

it means going from almost zero contact with your son, and zero ALONE time, to full time for 4 or 5 days AND OVER NIGHTS? Um, I think that is NOT going to happen.

It is the first time I have days off from work. I have accumulated them, that's why there's so many in such a short period of time before the year end.

I sent another email saying she could spend periods of time with us until he gets comfy getting off with me.

AND it's near the holidays, so your wife will probably see this as a wrench in the engine, designed to stress her out at exactly the wrong time.

To ease the monkey wrench thing, I'll say it was just an idea we can talk about it..

Also, I did NOT realize you were separated since last Christmas.

.
When we "decided" to move, she said she'd go ahead and prepare things for my arrival and start university, while I took care of the stuff in France. She left before Xmas 2011 to catch it with her parents last year. With hour lag and distance, things grew cold, and she threw the bomb in June 2012, right before I moved. I arrived in July 2012. Clearer now?

We know you were in reaction mode. But why not ask her the next day?

Why not pick up the phone and call her to talk? What's with all the emails?

This last comment made me laugh so hard. I still have tears running down my cheeks. Oh, it's a good day today...
W doesn't have a cell phone, and the home phone is also the parents phone. And, I have noticed she isn't too talkative on the telephone in general anyway. I am always interrupting something, I don't know. So, the only mean of communication left was, the email...
Having said that, I make the most of my "visit time", and update and try to find what's what, like I will this afternoon.

so you seem to be clear on THIS^^^...but nothing else. Are you sure?

As I said, my twice a week visits allow me little room for questions and deep talk, especially as, I remind everybody, there's always the mother or the father ALONG...! Yes, weirdo, I know.

why is this "obvious"? Did you two even discuss it? Wasn't the first time you've asked for him ALONE, just last week?

I asked several times before to spend more time with him, even alone with him. But they insisted on supervised visits, and only when they could, which happened to be twice a week.

"there is no more doubt about the fact that..." Bruce, this isn't math or an engineering problem. There IS doubt. Nothing has been "proved" by you...that takes far more time. These seem to be symbolic gestures and I'm not sure you have reasonable expectations.

Yes, there is no logic in all of it, I have to not rely on what I perceive, but strive to see how she sees things too.

did you simply assume since SHE did not contact YOU this week, you HAD to use the court proceeding?...Bruce, you act as if this is all clear to us but it's not.

It is clear to me that she is unwilling to get separated to our son. The only way out, unfortunately, is to use the court. When I said three weeks ago I would file to have more time with my son, the only thing she found clever to do was to run to her lawyer to beat me to the clock and file for D and ask in her filing to have 100% of son <-- one more proof..
It didn't work so well for her, because I issued a counterpetition, asking for 50% of son, and now, she wants me to drop it...

I just don't believe you two talk very much...and not directly.

CORRECT !
How can I with two visits a week, and a dad that looks over my shoulder all the time?

Where is the goal of Bruce becoming the best man and father he can become? Where is your goal of personal growth?

Included in the general objective too.

The "basic right" a father has, is one which you never asserted til now, so please stop playing the victim AGAIN...and

Not to belabor the point, but like we said, you have not even changed a diaper of his in almost 2 years.

Seriously, you cannot expect this number of days to have him OR to have his mother not see him for that long...it's not going to happen this holiday.

Again, if she refuses I will take it graciously.
It's all I have been doing until now.
They set up the times, and places and lengths of visitations, and I didn't fight back. They slapped me right in the face, and I turned the other cheek.
They have treated me like a criminal with their supervised visits, and it's an humiliation to be treated like that, and yet, I responded with kindness and goodness.
I asked more time with my son, and they spat on my face by saying no, and having the nerve to file and ask the court 100% custody.

All of you are right, I will no longer be victim of such blatant arrogance and disdain. I will fight for my son. And between us, I don't need to learn to change a diaper, lift the legs, clean the bum, put a new one. Done !

good. How will you find out and when? Hurry up. Don't take too long, or what she meant might well change...[quote]
Yeah, DB book says to not show to much hurryness, so, today is a good time to ask her out.

[quote] b/c she's living at her parents and having to care for her son full time. I don't know what she is doing for work or school...do you know?

Difficult to gather information when the visits are so short, but I gathered she works part time on certain days, and school other days, part time too I suppose.

Yes, I have contacted a DB coach, and it hasn't been super useful. Might try again int he new year if things go awry.

how are you being "too nice"? What kindness and loving things did you DO lately?

I'm always smily, give words of encouragement, compliments, listen to her, ask questions, etc... we spend good time during the visits. I can't give her gifts all the time, and physical touch is out of the equation for now.

Plus, If she has nothing to lose by fighting you, she'll fight you. Where is her incentive to work with you?)

like she hasn't been fighting until now?

[color:#FF0000]
I don't understand why you'd leave at the holidays. Why aren't you going to share some of the holidays with him?

Did you talk to your lawyer? I can see why you don't want to be alone but if you and your wife could speak to each other you might have been able to share some of the holiday like other couples.

I told her in November I had a plane ticket back, but if she wanted, in a heartbeat I'd stay. She said it was not a good idea for separated people to spend Christmas together and that she'd work during the holidays anyway.
Now that the situation has evolved, I could re-submit my proposition. I stay, if we could spend xmas together.

Good luck Bruce. And to reiterate, I totally support your goal of time with your son.

Thank you. I hope I made it clearer this time, and I'll try and be more progressive in my approach of getting more time with young Bruce.