TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

MORE OF THE SAME:

(For the sake of being up to speed : I'm currently working on a 3 week project with no time in weekdays for S. I ran it by her before agreeing to it. We agreed I could have him weekends instead. I actually took 1 day off anyway to have S during the day.)

I drive a company car, but if I'm not working and something comes up they need it at work. That happend today, and instead of me delivering S, my X had to come get him.
I helped her get some of her stuff down to the car as thanks, and will repay her what she had to spend on gas.

The moment we were alone she said I had told her it was a two week project and she was having troubles caring for S AND doing all chores before christmas etc. We agreed to disagree on what had been said about timeline for the project.

Then for the first time since BD, she brought up her reasons for leavig and talking about our R.

She basically said she tought I would change, but now (b/c of project and having to come b/c of me not having the car, I guess) she was just seeing the same as before.

I told her that after 8 years she had every reason to believe I would only be more of the same.
That I'm sorry she feels that way, but I understand why.
I told her I had said it was 3 weeks and obviously we have had some bad communication on that point.
I understand it's tough for her pulling the load, but that I tought we had agreed on the curciumstances during this project.

I said I would talk to the head of the company about car arrangements.
Also, I told her something like "After what you've seen before BD your disbelief in me is justified. However, when I chose to have a S it was b/c I wanted to be involved in his life and that is very much still the case and always will be. I lost my way after we had him, I didn't live up to my part as much as I should. I didn't realize it before it was too late. Money isn't everything, and I will gladly give up money to be with my S. It may be too late for us, but that doesn't affect my wishes to change. During this project it's full on, but after the project finish I plan to regularly take time off from work to be with S."

In between me saying this she said "I left b/c the last year you would choose work and money over us. I would never have left you the year before that. I thought you would change, but this makes me doubt"

Believe half of what they say etc.
For all I know she was trying to give me some hope, just to get me to step up and make things easier on her. IDK, and I shouldn't mind read.



So much for thinking you've done a somewhat good job at DB'ing huh?

We did agree it was OK for me to work weekdays during the project, but sure, I understand she is having a rough time.

I was surprised at what she said about my changes, lack of changes, and that she even brought up why she left.
She haven't said a single thing about R or us since BD.
She was calm when she said it, not angry.
At this point, honestly, I thought she didn't even care if I changed or not.

I called the head of the company just now, and he said they would buy a new car and that I was first on the list. I will have a car 100% of the time, work or not. That will ease my mind for sure

The changes I make are most for myself and for my S. I'm not sure what I want for me and her, but of course it was not pleasant to hear she thought I hadn't changed at all.