So yesterday I wanted to test out the waters on physical touching. I guess I reached my small goals....
Massage for her is possible now She allows me to hug her, of course she doesn't hug back...but I do notice she smiles.
She asked me why I hug her, I tell her because every hug going forward may be the last one and I wanted to enjoy the moment.
Still detaching but my plan has always been to flirt with her like any other girl.
We also talked about R, I plan on having a monthly checkpoint for the next 6 months. She mentioned I am no longer a "knucklehead" so she feels better but her stance on "love" hasn't changed. Still feels conflicted with OM. But I think it's now more about MLC. She just isn't sure if she is missing out on life.
I don't want to talk about R but I felt we needed a monthly checkpoint for both of us to have an open and honest talk about our R.
I feel by 6 months I would have done everything possible and emotional I can tell myself I did everything possible and if my W is happy with her new life. I can be happy too.
I already started thinking about accepting a new job in a new field as my 180. Granted its not my field of expertise...but it would be a fresh start for myself. The only issue is the job would be in another country....I don't want to leave my kids behind and I know I can't take them.....I wish I could take them.....maybe in 6 months I can figure something out.
Pain and anger still their. With her health not being good, I feel more protective then ever.
It's amazing how we LBS when awaken feel so much emotion, while in the past we just assume things we okay. We all need to reflect in ourselves how we might have taken things for granted. I know going forward my next lover will never be taken for granted and most importantly I won't take my own needs for granted.
