That has been interesting....because I am a guy who CAN do everything for myself, it was a case of I just would take care of my own needs like breakfast, etc. To be honest, my not needing anything from her was probably a relief after the years of meeting the kids needs, so she most likely welcomed it.

I would only respond, not initiate with W. I spent A LOT of time away at my office and doing GAL stuff, at REI free classes, at the library, etc. When I was home, I was reading my "bag o' books from the thrift store for a buck a bag" library in our MBR...I would NOT leave for the couch, and had a boundary that no computer of hers was to be in the MBR for her online "activities"...

I guess a "middle ground" would be that if you are going to cook breakfast for the boys anyway, then a couple extra eggs for H would be good use of the energy anyway, just put them off to the side...same with laundry, maybe wash, but no fold and put away, know what I mean? Bare minimum and if it is something you would do anyway...special health drink? if no one else drinks them, then H can do for himself...make sense? It is a tricky, nebulous path to walk, so experiment and see what works, and what gets noticed.... wink I do remember having to "remind" W occasionally that we "didn't have that kind of relationship "right now", so I am sorry I can't help with that"...that's when you find what is important to them. Just try a couple few changes and see what works/hurts.

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm